#if we still even need to tag s4 finale spoilers

[mjlol52]

just rewatched strikeback and man my eyes sure are watering for no reason in particular

[thesugarclubs-blog]

Sticky Little Words - Robin Buckley x OC

warnings: post S4 ST spoilers, hurt/comfort, panic attacks, Robin's first kiss

word count: 7k

WP: https://www.wattpad.com/1322227842-sticky-little-words-jordan

Masterlist

“Aw come on, it won't be that bad,” Robin elbowed Steve who still looked like a kicked puppy. 

She had been trying to get him to leave his house for a week. And when he finally did it was only because Dustin’s mom had asked him to drive Dustin to the high school. She was worried about them both and tagged along hoping that maybe by being needed all three of them would feel a little less hopeless about their situation. 

“Yeah,” Steve groaned, hauling the box of old blankets onto his hip from the trunk of his car. “You okay Henderson?” he asked, watching Dustin limp toward the gymnasium with a box in his arms. “Awesome,” he nodded, slamming the truck shut when the teenager didn’t answer. 

“He can’t stay mad forever, he’ll come around,” Robin assured him. She fixed the straps on her floral sundress, making sure the black t-shirt underneath was laying flat before following them inside. 

The gymnasium was packed with people, and everywhere Robin looked a sad face was looking back at her. She shut her eyes trying to block out their heartbreaking faces, unable to move any further through the wide gym doors. Her chest was tight and her heart felt like it might jump from her chest if it beat any faster. And even though they looked like a couple of teenagers just showing up to do their best, Robin knew the truth and it ate her like a rabid dog. They had tried so hard to prevent this, all of their efforts failing time and time again. She would have almost rathered they…

She felt Steve’s hand link with hers cutting her grim thoughts short with his touch. “We couldn’t help than, let’s help now,” he said quietly, “come on.” 

Robin opened her eyes, looking over at her best friend, and inhaled sharply with a scared nod. 

The quick rise and fall of her chest gave away every thought that moved through her mind, causing Steve to give her hand a soft squeeze. It was moments like these where Robin was more than grateful for her best friend. Having someone there who knew exactly how to ground her thoughts and keep her steady was something she hadn’t experienced in the past but having him and everyone who knew around her weirdly made it easier to cope. 

Well, not everyone. 

“Robin…” His voice whispered in her ear once more. 

She shook her head once and plastered on a soft smile as she met the amber eyes of Steve, “I’m fine, promise,” she cleared her throat, slipping her hand from his and walking further into the gym. 

Robin could sense the look he was giving her, it was the same look he always gave her when she said that. But he was right. It was time to actually do some good and help where they could. Since they couldn’t stop what happened, the least they could do was help with the fallout. 

Steve’s name rang out through the gym as the high school coach called him over to help move some canned goods that were too heavy for others to carry. Robin watched him hesitate as he was about to go after Dustin but he’d already limped off, away from both of them. Steve’s hand went to his side and he winced, but she could see him brush it off before making his way over to the large man who’d called him. 

“Hey, you!” 

Robin spun around and came face to face with one of the head volunteers. 

“You here to help or do you need help?” She asked brashly. 

“Uh, I’m - I’m here to help, whatever you need,” Robin stated quickly, tucking her arms around herself and pulling her lips into a thin line. 

The large woman nodded once and gestured for her to follow, “This way - we need another person sorting clothing. Mens, womens, kids, babies - sizing doesn’t matter at this station, just sort,” she stopped in front of a long table that was piled high with all sorts of different clothing items, “any questions, ask someone else,” she stated before stalking off towards the water station. 

Robin stood frozen for a moment in front of the table, looking between the pile of clothes and out into the gymnasium at her whole town. She sucked in a sharp breath, her mind becoming cloudy with dark thoughts and flashes of the previous days. A tight rope like feeling squeezed the sides of her neck, and she could hear the blood rushing around her head. 

“Don’t worry,” a soft voice came from behind the pile, “it’s not as daunting as it looks” 

Blonde curls and green eyes, with the most beautiful freckles Robin had ever seen, rounded the table and stopped in front of her with a bright smile on her face. 

“I’m Jordan, my friends call me Jo,” she extended her hand out, “look’s like you’re stuck with me today” 

Which she definitely wouldn’t mind. 

Robin accepted the handshake with a tender smile, eyes glued to the girl in front. Jordan's warm, green eyes glimmered under the sun rays pushing their way through the windows, illuminating her blonde hair like a halo. 

She was mesmerized by how pretty she was. A pretty face with an even prettier name. 

She also realized she hadn't stopped shaking her hand.

She shook her head lightly to focus on what she'd just said. "Nice to meet you, Jo.  I'm Robin, but my friends call me Robs." 

Jordan's giggle was one of the sweetest she'd ever heard. She couldn't stop smiling from it. 

"Robs...I like that, it's cute."

They pulled back and Robin turned to what seemed like hundred piles of clothes on the table, mostly in an attempt to hide her flushed cheeks from the girl's words. 

"So you helping me out with this...mission today? I don't even know where to start,” Jordan gestured with her hands toward the table.

Robin fidgeted with her rings, eyes traveling from Jo’s hand to the pile of clothes and back. Her blue eyes took in her bright violet frost painted nails, followed by long delicate fingers adorned by colorful rings. 

Jordan cleared her throat softly, calling her attention back, a knowing smile graced her lips and she raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, yes I um I am yeah. Let’s um, let’s do this.” Robin’s heart hammered against her ribcage and felt the heat creep up her neck and cheeks at having been caught staring. 

“Ok,” she laughed, “ let’s just start separating them in piles on the floor and then we can bag ‘em?” 

“Yeah, sounds good.” 

“Sweet, follow my lead then Robs” she voiced with a playful wink. 

Robin felt the heat crawl up the back of her neck clearing her throat at the way her name sounded rolling off of Jordan's tongue, "you got it." She mumbled, embarrassed that already within the span of thirty seconds, this girl had her in a puddle on the floor. 

Jordan smiled over her shoulder at Robin as she began sorting a pile of clothes. Robin took the pile next to the one Jo was working on and began sorting the mens from the womens. 

"So I don't think I've seen you around before..." Robin finally choked out, her voice cracking slightly as the nerves began to take over once again, "I mean...did you go--do you go to Hawkins?" 

The sweetest melodic giggle fell from Jo's lips and her head dipped slightly before peering up at Robin through thick lashes. 

“Actually not, no. I’m not from Hawkins. Just came here to help,” she shrugged. Robin followed her every move. “What about you?” 

“Hm?” Robin asked which made Jo chuckle. “No- um, I mean, yeah. Yeah, I’m from Hawkins. My friends and I actually…uhm,” she wanted to tell Jo about her summer but decided that it probably wouldn’t be the best idea to tell someone you barely knew that you almost died in another dimension. 

“You know what? Never mind,” she smiled and her cheeks turned pink in embarrassment. 

Robin watched Jo as she was sorting clothes. “You- you’re good at this. Have you helped out before?” she mentally slapped herself at her attempt to flirt with the girl. What was that kind of question? You’re good at piling clothes. Not your first time? She mocked herself in her mind. God, get yourself together, she thought to herself.

Jo smiled at her, leaning on the table of unfolded clothes she looked around to make sure no one was listening and leaned closer to Robin. A bundle of her soft, blonde curls fell into her face and Robin’s eyes flickered nervously from her lips to her big green eyes. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Jordan whispered, raising an eyebrow playfully. 

Robin nodded, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear to keep herself from doing the same thing to the piece that hung loosely against Jo’s face. Her fingers shook subtly and she could feel her toes curling in her shoes. 

“I’m something of a clothes-folding champion,” she said, her smile growing. “I’m here undercover, if the NLA,” she licked her lip, “The National Laundry Association…” she explained causing laughter to bubble from Robin. “If they find out I lent my delicate, quick services to charity, there would be hell to pay.”

“You sound awfully important and to think you’re here helping the poor, tragedy-stricken citizens of Hawkins out of the kindness of your own heart,” Robin laughed, her nerves settling a touch. 

“If you promise to keep quiet, I can teach you a thing or two,” Jo winked and butterflies erupted in Robin’s chest and stomach. 

She swallowed tightly, “please teach me your ways oh humble NLA agent.” 

“Funny,” Jordan laughed, turning back to the laundry, “you’re funny.”

Robin followed her instruction carefully, piling all the shirts together as she tried not to get too distracted by the gentle curve of her pouty lips. It wasn’t until Jo spoke again that she realized she had stopped mid-fold and was staring again. 

“Hi,” she laughed with that same bright smile, “so uh… who’s the pretty boy?” Jordan pointed to where Steve was struggling with a few flats of soup. 

“Steve?” Robin almost laughed, nervous that she was about to lose the prettiest girl she had seen in her entire life to Harrington… “he’s my hopeless best friend but before you get excited he’s pretty tied up in this tall, dark, and dramatic dungeons and dragons dork from school.” 

“He’s not really my type anyways,” Jo giggled, looking over at Robin with a twinkle in her eye.

Her breath faltered, just a touch at the way she looked at her. The sun filtered through the gymnasium windows showing off the golden flecks sprinkled in the sea of green that were her eyes. She swallowed thickly, willing herself to speak and not just stare. 

“Really? Steve seems to be everybody’s type, usually, I mean,” she shook her head and looked back to the pile of clothes in front of her as the words just kept spilling out of her to no end, “Always fawning over him left and right, it’s the hair you know? Pretty sure that’s what got to Eddie too. All that Farrah Fawcett hairspray has come in handy. SHIT! Ok, you didn’t hear that from me.” 

She felt a soft touch on her hand and her gaze jolted upward, to those beautiful green eyes and the freckles littered below them. A barely there touch but every one of her nerve endings was shot instantly. 

“You’re rambling Robs,” she laughed, “and yes really, Steve’s not my type. Not really what I’m looking for, you know?” Jo smiled and gave her hand a squeeze before pulling her hand back slowly. 

A tingle of excitement started to build in Robin's stomach and she had to bite her lip to hold back a smile, turning her attention instead to a pile of baby pajamas and socks that were a crumpled mess. 

"Well, it's preeeeetty slim pickings in Hawkins nowadays," Robin chuckled awkwardly, her face heating up even more as she stumbled over her words. "You know, now that there's a big gate, I mean, hole, or fault line thing in the town." 

"Jesus Christ Buckley, get it together," Steve would tell her right now. Robin could practically hear his voice in the back of her head. Maybe those bats gave him the ability to communicate telepathically and he is watching me humiliate myself while he tosses around chicken noodle soup like it was his new favorite pastime, she thought to herself before Jo's giggle caught her attention. It was a light, bright sound that had Robin wishing she could record it on tape. 

"I don't know," Jordan smiled, neatly moving a stack of t-shirts to the side before she fixed her seafoam gaze on Robin, the mischief clear in her expression. "You might get lucky. Stranger things have happened." 

The butterflies swarmed in her stomach again as Jordan smiled brightly up at her. Robin was never going to be able to keep up with her. 

Just be yourself. 

Steve's voice suddenly filled her head. He'd be making fun of her right now but she knew his advice would be just that. How was she supposed to be herself when she couldn't even function around blonde curls and jade green eyes?

"Robs?" Jordan's voice filtered through the swirling drain of thoughts in her head. 

Robin glanced down at Jo, "Yeah?" 

"You've been folding the same shirt for the past two minutes..." Jordan grinned softly, "What's going on up there?" 

Well that's a loaded question, Robin thought but chuckled, "oh ya know, a little of this..." she finally finished folding the shirt, "a little of that." 

Jordan nodded, "You're quite the mystery, Robin." 

Robin glanced over at Jordan, her eyes were bright and the smile that played on her lips made Robin want to lean in and-- 

"How's it going over here, ladies?" Harrington's voice suddenly boomed between them a stupid smirk glued to his cheeks. 

“Oh well,” Jordan gave Robin a flirty look, “little of this, little of that.” 

Steve looked over at Robin, his amber eyes narrowing on her. He knew all too well what that meant with Robin and she silently begged him to behave. A cheeky grin spread across his face, eyes lighting up with mischief.  Do. Not. She mouthed across the table. 

“You guys look busy,” he turned back to Jo, taking a step back, “you look after her for me? She likes to wander off when she’s nervous,” he shrugged at Robin who was turning the color of a tomato. 

“I got her,” Jordan smiled, linking her hand around Robin’s bicep as Steve turned away. She leaned over, bumping her shoulder into Robin’s, “you gonna tell me why you’re nervous? Or do I have to guess?” 

“Oh I- um,” she chuckled awkwardly, simultaneously wanting to run away and inch impossibly closer to Jordan. Her fresh floral scent seeped in through her nose and she just wished she could nuzzle into the side of her neck and try and figure out what it was the jasmine was mixed with that made for such a heavenly combination. Robin almost felt her brain firing commands to get her to talk but she was completely frozen. 

Jordan narrowed her eyes at her and leaned in a little closer, her hot breath fanning against Robin’s ear, “you can trust me, you know?” Jo pulled back slightly and smiled, “But it’s totally fine if you don’t wanna tell me… right now, we have all day to talk and stuff.” 

“Thanks,” Robin murmured, giving her a soft smile. “Haven’t had much practice…folding clothes.” 

Jo grinned knowingly before grabbing another box of donations and tossing it onto the table. Her blonde curls fell over her shoulder and sent up another wave of that mouthwatering scent. 

“I get it. My hometown is pretty small too,” she shrugged, leaning on the table. Propping herself up with her elbows, Jordan leaned back with a sigh. “Took a while for me to find someone who also liked to fold clothes. But I’m always up to give a few lessons if needed.” 

“Jesus H. Christ,” Robin muttered, her cheeks flaming red as Jordan cackled. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” the blonde laughed before giving her a sincere look. “You’re just really pretty when you blush, that’s all. Makes me want to see it again.”

“You’ll definitely get to see it again, I’m sure,” Robin muttered not realizing that she’d said it loud enough for Jordan to hear until a soft snort came from her side. Her eyes went wide as a grimace fell over her features, “I didn’t..” 

Robin pinched the bridge of her nose, “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

Jordan’s hand rested on her forearm, the warmth of her fingertips leaving tiny little fires on Robin’s skin. 

“Robin, it’s fine,” she reassured, “you don’t have to be nervous, okay? I won’t bite.” Jordan winked nudging her playfully before grabbing a shirt from the pile. 

“Thanks,” Robin whispered as she watched her move and was already missing the heat from her body. 

Jordan leaned into her, “unless you want me to.” 

Robin’s eyes went wide again as giggles erupted next to her. 

“I’m sorry, that was the last one, I promise,” Jordan smirked, reaching between them to tuck the strand of wave that fell over Robin's ear again. 

The space of skin that Jordan had brushed with her finger felt warm and tingly even after she pulled her hand away. They finished folding the laundry, Jordan leaning against the rickety table with her back as she surveyed the gym. 

“Hey how about we steal a couple of sandwiches and make this a real date,” she said. 

“A date?” The words echoed around in her head at full blast. 

“A first date!” Jordan nodded, sure of herself. “What do you say? Up for some trouble?” 

Robin swallowed thickly, all the nerves and excitement jumbling up in her stomach into a flutter of butterflies. 

She couldn’t believe this was actually happening, not after the weeks, they’d had. After all the physical and emotional pain she had been through, this angel of a woman standing in front of her was interested in her. 

Maybe this was her thank you from the universe, she was her gift after all of the turmoil. Not that she felt like she deserved any kind of gift, not when her loved ones were still hurting and she was powerless against their hurt. But even if it was just for today, even if it was just one sandwich with the gorgeous out-of-towner she was willing to let herself revel in her company, however short or long it may be. 

“Y-yeah I would love that.” 

Jo's smile was incandescent as Robin stammered out her words, the warmth of it spreading across her entire body. She was like bottled up sunshine, bright and bold and Robin couldn't pass up an opportunity to soak it all in. 

"Lemme go grab us some food and drinks," Jo said, her voice vibrating with excitement. "And then we can find a spot, okay?" 

With a shy nod from Robin, the blonde bounded off towards the front of the gym where a long table for bagged lunches and hot meals was set up. Robin couldn't help but admire the curve of her jeans, how the fabric of her shirt started to ride up just enough to- 

"So did we seal the deal yet?"

Knocking her elbow on the table as Steve startled her, Robin rubbed the area with annoyance and blew out a quick puff of air. 

"She's getting us....sandwiches," Robin whispered, watching Jordan talk animatedly with a guy handing out bottles of water by the door. 

"Hey! Sandwiches! That's..." Steve said loudly, gesturing with one hand as he looked around. "The best she could do, given the circumstances. But not bad! Good for you." 

"This is crazy," Robin groaned, leaning over the table. Her hands ran through her short hair, leaving her bangs disheveled. "Everyone's gonna find out. I'm going to be hauled through the town square and pummelled with pebbles or something." 

Steve grabbed Robin's shoulder and turned her towards him, amber eyes serious in the afternoon light. 

"Robs, listen up, okay?" he started. "You deserve to be happy just as much as anybody. And if someone isn't okay with something that makes you happy, then they aren't worth our time." 

She couldn't help but smile at the use of ‘our’, still finding it hard to believe the former King of Hawkins High could have become like an extension of herself, a little part of her soul walking around outside her body. There's no one else she would have almost died beside. Twice. 

"Thanks, dingus," she mumbled, embarrassed. Nothing made her squirm like having the attention put on her and Steve was currently shining the world's biggest spotlight. 

"No problem," Steve grinned. "Besides, she's a total babe. I don't blame you.” 

"Oh my god, like, insanely hot!" 

The two were still talking in animated whispers when Jordan reappeared carrying two paper bags and a look of amusement.

"Am I interrupting something?" 

Robin jumped slightly, knocking away Steve’s hands as she turned towards Jordan, plastering the best smile she could, “No–not at all!” Suddenly out of breath and knocked her elbow gently into Steve’s sternum when a chuckle escaped him. 

Jordan grinned, “You ready for our date then?” 

She could feel Steve’s eyes bore into the side of her face as she pressed her lips together in a thin line and hummed with a nod. 

“Well come on,” She held out one of the bags for Robin to take, blowing a small puff of air from her lips to blow the small tendrils of curls away from her face. 

Robin could feel the blush creep up her spine once again as she stood watching Jordan as if it was a slow-motion scene. 

“This is the part where you take the bag and go with the pretty girl…” Steve whispered, leaning into her.

“Thanks, genius,” Robin pushed him away and took the bag. “Can we leave before he embarrasses me anymore?” She begged Jordan. 

“Sorry princess,” Jordan threw her arm around Robin playfully. “Maybe next time I can meet your dorky dungeon lover?” 

Robin tensed, she’d never get that double date. Not with Eddie hiding in Steve’s house from the law. She begged the universe to make the situation normal, where she could just go out with her best friends, hand in hand with a pretty girl 

“He’d like you,” Steve smiled genuinely, but Robin could see the pain in hazel eyes as he put a hand on his hip. “Enjoy your lunch ladies, there’s a picnic bench hidden behind the tennis courts.” 

Shooting Steve a small wave, Robin and Jordan snuck their way out of the gym and out into the fresh air. The bright sun illuminated Jordan’s eyes and brought out the freckles that adorned her cheeks, just the sight of her made Robin’s heart skip a beat as they walked out into the grass together, Jo’s arm still sloppily draped across her shoulders. 

The small pep talk continued in her head, still trying to convince herself that everything would be fine. It didn’t matter what the town thought. All that mattered was the support of her best friend and her own happiness. Exactly as Steve had told her many times. 

Robin took a sharp breath and looked over at Jo, who was already looking at her with her head tilted to the side. Her warm smile set every nerve in her body off as butterflies erupted in her stomach. 

“Sorry, I did it again, didn’t I?” Robin asked with a laugh, gently leaning against the blonde beside her, nudging her playfully. 

Jo shook her head, “it’s okay, I get it. Let’s distract that beautiful brain of yours, k?” she smiled and swiped her tongue along her bottom lip as she thought for a second, “tell me about the coolest thing you’ve ever done.”

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, Robin hummed and tried to figure out what she could tell her. The answer she wanted to give was when she and Steve cracked the Russian's secret codes, but that wasn’t exactly a story she could just blurt out. Nor was a story about being in an alternate upside universe. That seemed more like a second date story. 

“Hm, Steve and I helped save some kids during this… mall fire that happened here a couple of years ago, I guess that was kind of cool,” she shrugged, as they sat down at the hidden picnic bench, “this town has had some bad luck the past few years” 

Joe pulled out her sandwich and looked at her with widened eyes. “ Really? Wow, that's really cool. You guys must be some sort of heroes of Hawkins then I assume? “ She took a bite with a lopsided smirk as she chewed. 

Robin took a bite of her sandwich, her throat thickening, and a lump formed in her throat which made it hard for her to swallow. The memories of that night flashed by in her mind, the fear and the exhaustion of thinking of the many ways it could’ve gone terribly wrong. The loss of her newfound family. 

Also that the town had no idea of the people inside the mall and what they were really fighting for. 

The warmth of Joe’s hand on her thigh made her eyes bounce up to hers, erupting butterflies through her whole body. Her eyes were a combination of regret and sorrow. “ I’m sorry, did I say something wrong? “

She shook her head quickly, chuckling because there was no way this beautiful girl could be wrong about anything. She was too perfect for this world. “ No, I’m fine, I just…got lost…again. “

She smiled. “I could see that. But what you did to those kids must mean a lot to them today. You saved lives, Robs. “ 

“We’re actually really good friends today. Well, sometimes it feels like they’re my siblings. Especially on those days when they make you want to pull out your own hair,” Her words welcomed Jo’s adorable and melodic giggle which she couldn’t hold back on her own as they took a bite. 

Silence fell shortly around them and Jo’s eyes were suddenly fixated on Robin’s face. She felt how redness quickly crept upon her cheeks, and she was about to check if she had something on her face, when the blonde’s hand reached towards her. Her hand lingered over her mouth for a second before she rubbed away something sticky from the corner of her mouth with her thumb. Robin’s heart hammered in her chest and it felt like it was about to break free along with her soon to be collapsed lungs. 

Jo drew back her hand and wiped away the mess on her jeans. A playful smirk lingered on her lips. “Sorry, but you’re a messy eater. “ She winked as she sipped on her drink, blonde curls flowing through the wind like the waves of the ocean, calling for Robin to feel the silk between her fingers. 

Robin chewed on the inside of her cheek, trying to hold back her smile as Jordan chewed lazily on her sandwich and leaned back against the table to let the sun bathe over her. Robin could count the freckles that trailed down her neck, over the soft ridges of her collarbone. She wanted to paint constellations on her skin with them, she wanted to see how they looked in the moonlight and the early morning sun. 

Jo tilted her head, her glossy green eyes blinking back at Robin who couldn’t help but stare. Hidden away, behind the gymnasium away from the prying eyes and cruel whispers of the town she felt the confidence to do so unashamed creep up her spine. 

“When the sun reflects in your eyes, they look like a lake before the world wakes up,” Jo looked up at her through thick lashes, “unbothered and serene.”

Robin felt the world slow down, she could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage as her lungs stubbornly filled with air and her fingers and toes tingled like they were being held to an open flame. How could someone she knew for so little a time, make her feel so alive?

“Robin?” Jordan pushed up on her hands, straightening her back and sliding closer to her, “I want to kiss you.”

Her lips parted, in any strangled attempt to respond but it was like someone had sucked all the volume out of the world. She wanted to kiss Jordan so badly, it made her chest hot and stomach roll into a thousand little knots. To feel how soft her lips felt on hers, to lick away the jelly taste, and to finally kiss a girl. It’s all Robin wanted. But the words caught in her throat, sticky and stubborn stayed stuck, leaving her stupidly silent in the face of love. 

Jordan leaned in, brushing Robin’s wavy blonde hair back from her cheek before her hand trailed down the gentle curve of her long neck all well bringing them closer together under the bright sun. 

Robin could feel her breath on her lips and the constriction in her chest tugged and pulled her in every direction making it hard to breathe. “I’ve never kissed anyone.” She blurted out, cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

A soft smirk crept onto Jordan’s perfect lips as she brushed the tips of their noses together, “I can teach you,” she whispered, brushing her fingertips ever-so softly along the side of Robin’s neck, “if that’s okay, of course” 

Robin sucked in a shaky breath as she looked at the beautiful girl in front of her. Her mind and heart were both screaming at her to say yes, to just lean in and kiss her but she sat frozen, unable to peel her eyes off Jo’s as they sat there. In their own little world. 

After what felt like hours, she finally mustered up the ability to nod slowly, biting the inside of her cheek to stop the smile. She could hear the blood rushing through her ears as she watched the Jordan’s tongue swipe along her bottom lip. 

The moment their lips pressed together, every nerve in Robin’s body ignited with electricity, butterflies taking over her entire chest. She tasted of strawberry jam and peanut butter, their lips moving together in perfect harmony. 

In a moment of confidence, Robin’s hand landed on Jo’s thigh as her other went up to cup her cheek, pressing deeper into the kiss. Jo’s lips were softer than she could have ever imagined, and though she didn’t have much to compare it to, it was the best first kiss she’d ever experienced. 

As the two pulled back, Jo rested their foreheads together, her pink kiss-bitten bottom lip finding a home between her teeth as the two girls caught their breath. 

“You know, for having never kissed someone before,” the blonde breathed, rubbing the tip of her nose against Robin’s, “you’re pretty good at it” she teased playfully, pressing another quick kiss to the brunette’s lips. 

“I had a really good teacher,” Robin cooed, pressing her lips to the corner of Jo’s mouth as she pulled away. 

“You’ve really never kissed anyone?” Jordan’s eyes flickered over her face, tracing her flushed skin and kiss swollen lips. 

“That was my first,” Robin swallowed, her hand sliding down her cheek and thumb resting on Jo’s bottom lip. “I didn’t expect it to be so soft,” she whispered, tempted to lean in for more. 

“Oh darling, it won’t always be,” Jo nibbled on her thumb, “I had to be nice the first time.” 

Robin could feel the warmth explode in the pit of her stomach, imagining every single thing she could learn from Jordan. 

“We can save that for the second date,” Robin giggled, feeling lighter than she had in days. 

“And the third,” Jordan pressed her lips to Robin’s again. “And the fourth,” she kissed her cheek and jaw. Peppering her skin with soft lips as Robin leaned closer into her lap without hesitation. 

“We probably should do them all at once,” Robin laughed, feeling Jo’s hands press to her hips, her fingers curling against the fabric. 

“You’re probably right,” Jo giggled, brushing her nose against the skin of Robin’s neck. “But it was worth a shot,” she clicked her tongue against her teeth. 

“What about tonight?” Robin asked, she and Steven were supposed to sit at home watching movies but she was sure he wouldn’t mind if she invited Jordan. 

“Look at you angel, confidence shining brighter than a star,” Jordan’s smile melted every ounce of willpower Robin had. “And all it took was a kiss,” she winked. 

“It was you,” Robin stopped her. “I haven’t felt like myself in a long time—” 

“She was there all along,” Jordan sat up proudly, her beautiful curly hair blowing in the wind. “You just needed some help finding her. Will you tell me why you were actually hiding her? Cause I know it wasn’t that story about the mall fire. Everyone can see there’s something going on in Hawkins.”

Robin’s confidence rushed from her like a tidal wave leaving behind the sinking feeling that she was doing something wrong. With a simple blink, the picnic table seemed to be in the middle of the gymnasium again, the face of sad and injured people staring at her, confused and hurt by her happiness. 

“A lot has happened in the last few weeks,” Robin whispered, barely able to explain herself.  

She felt Jordan’s soft fingers intertwine with her own and give her hand a small squeeze. Her gaze staying fallen on the grass that surrounded them, Robin knew that if she looked at the girl beside her, she would lose it. A side of herself that only Steve had witnessed. 

Swallowing a thick lump that had formed in her throat, she chewed on the inside of her cheek, trying to figure out how to start the story without sounding insane. There was a reason the gang had kept this all to themselves. If they even tried to explain what was happening they would all get locked up or worse. The weight of their little town sat on the shoulders of kids and no one knew. Her chest squeezed together and she shook her head, bouncing her leg anxiously. 

“Hey, take your time - I’m right here,” Jordan reached over and tucked a piece of Robin’s hair behind her ear. Her other hand stayed locked with hers, bringing a small amount of comfort as she tried to get the words out. 

“You’re going to think I’m crazy,” Robin admitted.

Jo shook her head and gave her hand another squeeze, “Never, and you don’t have to fully tell me if you don’t want to, whatever you’re comfortable with” 

“No, I - I want to tell you, it’s just that - it sounds insane. I know it sounds insane, it’s hard to put into words that make sense,” Robin’s breathing picked up quickly as anxiety washed through her, thinking about everything. Even just focusing on the last few weeks was a lot for her brain to process. 

“There’s this… place that we call the upside down - it’s basically alternate dimension Hawkins, and there are things that live there, that have been escaping into this Hawkins for the past few years, and basically the whole situation came to a head a few weeks ago when this guy who’s name use to be Henry and then he was a kid who was experimented on and his name was One, but the kids our group also calls him Vecna after this bad guy in Dungeons and Dragons�� anyway the whole thing kind of turned sideways and in trying to save the town we kind of caused this all to happen and we lost -” a lump caught in her throat as a sob escaped her. Robin shook her head once, “we lost a couple of people…” 

Jordan sat there listening, holding onto Robin’s hand with one of hers while her free arm draped around her shoulders, the tips of her fingers running gently over her skin trying to calm down the heat that was rising. 

Letting out a soft sigh, Robin chewed on her bottom lip, still unable to look over and meet the eyes of the first person she’d told this to outside of their group, “if we had been a little quicker, a little bit more planned, none of this would have happened…” she cleared her throat, and went to take her hand away from Jordan, “I’ll understand if you want to turn and run as far away from me as you can get…” 

“Hey,” Jo stood up, trapping Robin on the bench with her arms on either side of her body. She kissed her slowly, taking her time, convincing her with nothing but her touch that she wasn’t going anywhere. “How dare you think I’d spook that easily,” she whispered, brushing her nose against Robin’s teary cheek. “Thank you for telling me,” she said next as if Robin had just told her something wonderful and life-changing not a tragic story of death and loss. “Do you want to know what I think?” 

Robin nodded, unable to form the words. 

“I think that Hawkin’s is still standing, that whatever you guys did down there in…” she trailed off. 

“The upside down,” Robin helped her. 

“Yeah, whatever you guys did down there, prevented more people from dying. There are kids, moms, dads, uncles, and aunts. There are grandparents and pets in that gym, and they’re there because you guys did something to stop it. You’re a bunch of high schoolers Robin,” Jordan wrapped her hands around her face, “I think you’re brave and courageous with so much more strength than you give yourself credit for. I’ve known you for two hours and I can say with the utmost confidence that you are the most beautiful intelligent woman I have ever met. If I turned tail and ran now, I’d miss out on so much. The way your nose gets red when you’re nervous and the soft gravelly giggle you make when you think you said something embarrassing. I’d never get to count every single freckle on your face or kiss you again,” Jo shrugged, stealing a kiss before she could argue. “The only thing about that entire story that sounded insane was me running away from you.”

Robin’s eyes welled up, looking up to finally meet Jo’s and pulling her lips into a thin line. A wave of relief washed over her and took the place of the anxiety and for just a moment, the whole world around them stilled and faded away. 

It was definitely not the response she had been expecting, Robin hoped that she wouldn’t scare away the first girl who’d been able to pull her out of her shell and make her feel safe in such a short amount of time, but given everything that had been happening, it would just be another thing. Most days Robin still woke up screaming for Steve as the familiar feeling of the vein tightened around her neck. 

“We just should have done more… we shouldn’t have left them alone,” Robin cleared her throat and placed her hands on Jordan’s forearms, “it was bad Jo, seeing the kids going through that, I-” 

“Robs, this wasn’t your fault. I know I don’t know everything about what happened, but I do know this wasn’t your fault,” Jordan reassured, swiping her thumb across Robin’s cheek to catch a fallen tear, “I will tell you that as many times as you need. I am right here, and I know that you and your friends did everything you could” 

“Hearing it helps but I don’t think this sinking feeling will ever go away permanently,” Robin shrugged and pressed her face against Jo’s hand. 

“You shouldn’t have to carry it alone,” she said. “And if you’ll let me, I’d like to help.” 

Robin tangled her hands into the curls around Jordan’s face, letting the silky strands run over her fingers. The sun basking across her face, made the green in her eyes dance like the iris was alive, and in a tight, breathless moment that look gave Robin her hope back. 

The hope that Steve so desperately held on to for her, that he never gave up on, for her. 

It was there, smiling back at her in the form of a living angel. 

“Kiss me,” Robin blurted out, keeping her eyes locked with Jo’s, “please” 

Without another word, Jordan dipped her head slotting her mouth against Robins in a deep kiss. Taking in every bit of sadness and despair, and replacing it with a warm fuzzy feeling that made her want to cry, and scream all at once. 

Her hands remained tangled in Jordan’s long blonde curls as she stood up and pulled her body as close to hers as she could. The need to feel every part of her taking over completely. While the sun shone brightly over the two of them, Robin felt as though she had her own perfect ray of sunshine, right there in her arms. Her own personal feeling of hope for even the darkest days. The pain and anger and sadness she’d been feeling every day for the last 3 weeks slipped away just by being in this beautiful girl's presence. 

Jordan pulled back, tugging on her lip gently as she went, “you owe me a second date,” she teased. 

“Do you like really bad comedy movies?” Robin asked. Hoping that Steve wouldn’t mind if they crashed movie night. 

“How did you know those are my favorite,” Jordan laughed.

“You look like a girl who loves a badly timed joke,” Robin kissed her again. “Thank you,” she whispered, pulling away breathlessly. 

“For what?” Jordan’s brows knitted together. 

Robin shrugged. “For reminding me what the sun looked like.”

[into-september]

MAIN TAG: mlb meta

SHIP STUFF

Put your money on ladynoir, kids

On the merits of imperfection (why ladrien is my favourite side of the love square)

The innage tragedy of ladrien, and why I love it

So here’s the thing: (from the perspective of character growth, reversing the love square makes no sense)

To phrase this better than I did so late at night that it was technically morning: (lukanette is a masterclass in the crucial difference between showing and telling)

The NYC special might’ve sunk lukanette before it ever had the chance to happen

if we’re using “friendship is more important than a celebrity crush” to argue against the love square���

On shipping dynamics within the love square, mainly marichat vs. ladrien

ADRIEN AGRESTE MY BELOVED

Adrien Agreste and the limelight

Adrien Agreste and the question of unmasking

Some speculation about Gabriel’s possible ways out of being Hawkmoth and how they will affect Adrien

To cross your DNA with something reptile (on sentiadrien, because who needs narrative logic when you can have angst)

Being the topic du jour and all (the show has already shown that getting his amok can’t be a ~beautiful metaphor~ for sentiadrien’s freedom)

If sentiadrien is meant to be a commentary on child abuse then someone has no idea how stories work (spoiler: it’s not, because abuse is funny on this show)

SPOILER: I’M A CHLOÉ STAN I GUESS

Ending Chloé’s story as a villain would be a vaste of screentime and that’s why they shouldn’t

This be the verse (let’s just say I’m less than impressed with how early S4 handled the Bourgeois family drama)

Some more Zoé meta

Let’s talk narratological theory to explain why Chloé is an abused child in the text even if the creator insists she isn’t

WHY LUKA ISN’T MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER

Spoiler: Luka Isn’t A Great Character Yet (written in response to some people’s very low standards after “Truth” aired)

In fact he’s so poorly written that he’s pretty much an unintentional parody

Overthinking things (they don’t mean it like that but I saw some uncomfortable sexist themes to Luka’s akuma powers, both times)

Can we please stop blaming Marinette for Luka being a simp

MIXED BAG

Paper faces on parade (comparing and contrasting Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Gabriel Agreste)

On the feminist merits of MLB

The Scarf Came Back (on “Mr. Pigeon 72″ and the meaning of its many callbacks to early S1)

Related: S4 and “Gorizilla”

Jagged Stone is… (a spoiled manchild who’d be an awful parent if he’d stuck around and they were better off without him)

“Gang of Secrets” was underwhelming and that’s a problem

I finally realised where my entire problem with “Gang of Secrets” lies

Right now my main hope for S4 is that I’ll come out of it shipping alyanette like it’s going out of style (this show should’ve put more effort into Alya like three seasons ago)

MLB and the bad rich people

Some observations and a poor attempt at analysing the depiction of wealth in Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir

No, Marinette isn’t a Mary Sue (because I refuse to acknowledge linguistic drift and “Mary Sue” does not mean what you think it means)

Etymology ragepost, MLB edition

This show just can't up the stakes in battle

NOT REALLY META BUT STILL

Chloé should discover Cat Noir’s identity it’d be great

I also really want Felix to become a gentleman thief

What if all the heroes knew everyone’s identities except Cat Noir’s, wouldn’t that be super fun and not at all heartbreaking

My ideas for the Secret Sibling were way better than who it turned out to be tbh

Did you know that I have a tag devoted to Kagami being a fujoshi

Outline of the Hikaru no Go AU someone else should totally write

“Puppeteer 2″ was a microcosm of the Cat Noir-Ladybug-Nino-Alya mess of S4

Marinette is canonically bi in the Norwegian dub

GOING OFF ON OTHER PEOPLES’ POSTS

The Umbrella Scene Redux in the NYC special wasn’t about Adrien falling for Marinette but a foreshadowing of the importance of friendship going onward

Adrien’s pain lies not in unrequited love, but projecting his abandonement issues onto Ladybug

A small but heartfelt declaration to adrigami

When you have to make your characters repeatedly insist that someone is so totally in love, it’s not coming across as totally convincing to your audience

tl;dr I suspect that the reason marichat is so popular and ladrien is correspondingly disliked is about gender roles, actually

On marichat and ladrien and romance tropes

No really, ladrien is stupid and that’s why I love it

The Reveal is supremely unlikely to happen before the deciding battle against Gabriel and if it does, they won’t get together before it anyway

MLB’s got a bit of a genre problem and that’s why the plot cannot ever move

Chloé is the Loki of the MLB fandom and given how much attention the show proper gave her compared to the rest of the secondary cast, Thomas Astruc has no right to be surprised about it

Chloé can’t be Queen Bee again before she realises that she doesn’t need to be Queen Bee to do good things

More Chloé analysisin’: An irredeemable character wouldn’t need a three-episode storyline to explain her reluctant fall for the villain

Some people finding the sentiadrien narrative a healing parable about emotional abuse does not stop it from functionally annulling the actual emotional abuse the show depicted

[eddieexcellence]

SOUR CANDY

Part i: the original babysitter

E. Munson x Fem!reader

Synopsis: back in Hawkins for spring break, the reader is back from college. She gets sucked into the madness again for the fourth time with her best friend and younger friends. Plus an unexpected and unwelcome face.

Type: fixit fic, angst/comfort, enemies to lovers trope

Warnings: SPOILERS! Cursing, mentions of anxiety, stress eating, reader having brave mama bear facade

Author’s note: AGAIN SPOILERS!! SPOILERS!! Might have some of the S4 events out of place or loosely mentioned fic starts S4 Ep4: Dear Billy?? but my attempt at a fixit fic and to ignore what happened in the finale, fting a trope I haven’t seen too much written for Eddie yet-ish(maybe I haven’t dug in enough to the search results for Eddie munson x reader I’ve dug pretty darn deep, tag me if you have any fic recs)?? I thought it’d be interesting and I do plan on making this a little series just bc I do tend to drag things 👀. Hope you like! Also only mention of Eddie in this part. Next part will have reader and Eddie interact!! Sorry if it doesn’t get to the nitty gritty as quickly :—)

You weren’t due home for another two days, promising your roommate to take a detour and drop them off home and spend time with them before returning to your hometown of Hawkins for spring break. Those plans changed quickly as you returned to your dorm from the laundry room so you could finish packing for the week, when your RA for your hall was standing in your room looking unimpressed.

“Y/l/n, the floor’s phone lines have been backed up with several people calling for you.” The older girl picked at her nails annoyed. “Mostly a, uh, Stefan Harrison? Also a foul mouthed little shit, Dustin Hendrickson?”

“Dustin Henderson and Steve Harrington?” Y/n corrected the snarky woman across from her.

“Yeah yeah them two.” She didn’t care to really properly remember their names, already irritated by how much that Dustin character cursed at her. “They even called the building security to get ahold of you sounds pretty important, and I have other students that would like to use the phone as well so if you can sort this out—“

You didn’t give your room advisor anymore time to talk as you rushed to the end of the hall to the phones. You didn’t have a good feeling about what Steve and Dustin were calling about as you could feel your stomach sink. The phone continued ringing as another student was about to answer.

“Move it!” You snapped, shoving through the short line of students ignoring their shouts of protest followed by groans as you picked up. “Hello?”

“Jesus h Christ Y/n! Took you long enough!” Dustin’s panicked voice reaches your ears.

“What’s going on?” You asked in a hushed whisper avoiding the other students' impatient stares.

“We’re still gathering the details, but we need your help—“ Dustin started to say, but a muffled static noise and him arguing as someone else cut him off.

“Y/n avoid Hawkins!” Steve ushered in. Steve is always trying to be the dutiful best friend as he always was for you. Protecting you or at least trying his best. Most of time it just made you more curious; hell even the reason you got brought into the Upside Down originally.

“Don’t listen to him! We need you!” Dustin in the background shouted.

“We don’t need you involved!” Again Steve trying to remain cool and calm even when you can hear his tense edge in his tone.

“Y/n! Max could be in trouble!” You heard another voice in the background more gentle but still holding the same urgency as Dustin. It was Nancy.

“We don’t need her involved!” He argued. “She was almost killed the last time!”

“Steve we are down Mike, Will, Jonathan, and El! We need her here to help!” You could hear Nancy refute back.

You rubbed the bridge of your nose at all the commotion on the other end of the line. You could feel the knot start to form in your stomach as you knew what you needed to do, which was way different from what you wanted to do. To crawl under a rock and hide. The kids needed you, more importantly Max needed you. Always having a softer spot for the younger girl since you first met and you saw her late oldest step brother treat her like shit.

Steve was yelling incoherently on top of whatever Dustin and nance were yelling about.

“Steve!” You yelled, stopping him mid tangent. “Do you forget who the original babysitter is? I’ll be damned if you do this without me and something happens to Max or any of you. Where do I need to meet you?”

You could hear Dustin whoop and chant in the background, and reply for Steve. “The Wheelers, please haul ass Y/n!”

“Copy Henderson,” you said before hanging up.

You never pressed on the gas pedal so hard, speeding to get to your small hometown as quickly as possible. Your thoughts racing in the process, maybe not making for the most safest road trip. You didn’t even tell your roommate anything, just apologized and handed her $20 for a bus ticket before you shoved your clothes into your luggage and took off. It was only 9am when you came back from the laundry room, you hit the ‘welcome to Hawkins’ sign by a little after 12’o’clock, when normally you would’ve been there closer to 1pm.

Part of you hoped this was a sick joke so everyone could get you home sooner to hang out. Steve was excited and had some plans for you, Robin, and him to do while you were here. Nancy already had the movie selection’s picked for a girl’s night, and all the gossip she couldn’t tell you on the phone or in letters. More importantly the younger kids were ready to tell you all about their first year of high school, especially Max who hasn’t been herself since Billy died. Deep down you knew that wasn’t the case. So you prepared for all the worst case scenarios as you pulled into the tidy kept driveway of the Wheelers where Mike and Nancy lived. You could see Steve's shiny BMW and Nancy’s station wagon parked in front. It was midday and Nancy’s parents were off at work leaving just you guys alone.

You nervously drummed your fingers against your steering wheel as you tried to muster the courage to go inside and for the fourth time most likely have your world turned upside down (all the irony intended). Feeling your breathing quicken and your chest get tight, you felt an anxiety attack start. You haven’t had this feeling in a few months, and though you started getting them since Nancy’s best friend Barb had died and Will went missing when you first got into the chaos it still wasn’t easy to manage the attacks. You took deep breaths, and remembered what your mom told you when you felt an attack come on.

Five things you can see: the green grass, the car freshener hung on your car mirror in your peripheral, the shiny garage door in front of your car, a squirrel eating the flowerbed by the front door, and several bright yellow boxes of the Sour Patch Kids littering your passenger seat floor (your guilty sweet tooth that everyone knew about.)

Four things you can feel: your steering wheel, the seat covers of your car, the necklace your grandma gave you against your neck,and the bead of sweat threatening to drip down your forehead from the increasing temperature of your car.

Three things you can hear: your steadying pulse, the sound of wind chimes, and the cars passing further down the street.

Two things you can smell: your mint car freshener and your perfume you had on.

One thing you can taste: the faint taste of the sour patch kids you ate on your way home.

Unbeknownst to the group of kids and young adults that you were already outside having an anxiety attack, they were all having a heated discussion. Or moreso Steve was.

“If she finds out he’s involved, she’ll single-handedly kill me and come for you next, Henderson.” He had his hands on his hips pacing around the basement. Max, Lucas, Dustin, Robin, and Nancy sat around watching the distressed man.

“She’s going to find out,” Robin objected.

Nancy nodded, “Besides, Y/n cares more about Max’s and the kids safety than worrying about a high school rivalry.”

That caused Steve to scoff, “rivalry? She got her heart crushed by him! Why she chose to like him of all people—“

“What’s so wrong with Eddie?” Dustin cut in.

“Yeah, what’s so wrong with him?” Robin raised an eyebrow amused, knowing Steve would need to watch his words carefully around the younger eccentric boy. Dustin has worshiped Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson since they met on his first day of high school.

That caused Harrington to sputter, “n-nothing! It’s just if you didn’t know her back then, you didn't see how upset she was after he crushed her ego during the end of freshman year and how she acted that summer.” He faltered. A big reason he didn’t want you here was because once you came back, and got involved, everyone would be in more trouble than they already were if he guessed correctly. Along with tension between the metal head and you. He wouldn’t know how’d you react to the idea of Eddie wanted for ‘satanic sacrifice’ on top of the kids, Nancy, Robin, and him harboring him at the abandoned boat house. That was the main reasoning he tried to convince himself with.

“If I didn’t know you better, Harrington, sounds like you’re almost jealous.” Robin chastised her older friend with a smirk tugged at her lips.

That caused Nancy to roll her eyes annoyed, knowing you since she first started dating Steve. You were the only friend of his that she liked and created a connection with. She had heard both the Steve side and the Y/n side of the Eddie story. Two very different renditions if you asked Nancy, and she opted to believe your side more. Always knowing Steve had a certain protectiveness of you since you were his childhood best friend, and you weren’t as arrogant and stuck up your own ass like his old jock friends either.

“Steve, I think she’s a big girl now, and can keep her emotions in check to help Hawkins.” Nancy said seriously. “Remember who was the original babysitter?”

“Can everyone stop rubbing that in my face!” Steve exclaimed, throwing his hands out in dramatic fashion.

“Throwing what in your face Harrington?” You asked, walking down the stairs to the basement. He could already tell you were uneasy but you offered a hint of a smile making eye contact.

“What would Heidi think if I changed my hair up!” He tried to lie smoothly.

“The Upside Down has essentially framed the person you hate the most, Eddie Munson, for murder, but it’s actually a dark wizard named Vecna that has killed Chrissy Cunningham and Fred Benson. And soon I’ll be next if we don’t get a move on!” Max wasted no time as soon as you graced their presence, not caring for the sugar coating tactics Harrington went for.

“For Christ sake Maxine!” Steve looked up, gripping his hair stressed out at the word vomit she laid on you.

“Hey Y/n, so excited you were able to come home for spring break.” Robin said meekly waving to you as Max ran to you and gave you a bear hug.

You froze in disbelief, “C-Chrissy Cunnigham died? F-fred from journalism and yearbook too? What the hell did I walk into?” Your stare was blank and voice small as the last bit processed making you grip the redhead tighter, one hand rubbing her back and the other gently playing with the end of her ponytail. It comforts your overwhelmed senses from the newfound information. “A-and and y-you’re,” you choked at the sentence not being able to comprehend.

“I’m next.” Max validated as she pulled away. Dustin and Lucas were next with the hugs opting for a group hug rather. You were just standing there dumbfounded. You didn’t care about the minor major detail with Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson, you were sure when the shock wore off you would when things were able to make more sense.

“What did I say about laying it on thick?” Steve reminded the group.

You cleared your throat, “no, no. We need to get to the bottom of this if we only have so much time.” You composed yourself quickly. It didn’t matter about you or your feelings, you weren’t the one cursed?

You've been through this three other times with them, you were the original babysitter, the one that spent hours reading the boys Dungeon and Dragon books front to back of rules and characters. Hell you even reread the Lord of the Rings and older science fiction novels you had read in middle school if it meant to gain a scrap of knowledge to help. You were the one that bandaged their boo-boos when the boys were younger. The one that took Max and El under your wing when you met them. You took shit from Billy to defend Max. You brought the teenage girls to the mall and roller rink giving them your wiser unsolicited girl advice when you’d hear them gossiping about Mike, Lucas, and in El’s case her Hopper issues. That was something Harrington or Nancy didn’t have on you.

You sat in between Nancy and Robin both gave you squeezes in reassurance almost preparing you for everything they were about to tell you.

“Now rather than throw me in a mind fuck,” you looked over at Max with a stern maternal like stare. “Start from the beginning with details, please.”

[stripeysockaccount]

To The End Of The Universe

Pairing: Robin Buckley/ Female Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Tags/Warnings: mild s4 spoilers, and a nice helping of angst.

Summary: You and Robin get trapped in the Upside Down, a swarm of Demo-Bats heading your way. If there's any time to confess a crush, it's now.

Note: This is my first time writing for Stranger Things, and also my first time writing a x reader fic! I hope you enjoy it, and any feedback is very much appreciated. (I was also thinking about a possible sequel if people enjoy this?)

For a moment, neither of you move.

“Where are we?” you ask. If you didn’t know better, you would say you’re still in Hawkins, but that doesn’t make any sense. A glance at your watch confirms that it’s two in the afternoon, but the dark, thundering sky above you doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo.

“Shit,” Robin swears, throwing her hands up in the air. “Shit, shit, shit!”

You raise an eyebrow, putting your hands on your hips. “That’s not a good reaction.”

“No kidding!” she exclaims. 

The sky lights up with lightning, the gray clouds flashing blood-red. The building before you is undoubtedly Hawkin’s High School, but you don’t remember it ever being covered in vines.

It’s hard to tell whether it is the confusion of waking up in a distorted version of a familiar location or the dust floating through the air like snow that is making it hard to breathe, but you don’t like it either way. You’ve seen some crazy things in the past few days, but this is something else entirely. Maybe you’re finally having that mental break that you keep joking about.

Robin doesn’t move, dragging a hand through her short hair before turning to you. “Are you okay?”

You shrug. “I’m pretty confused, but I’m not hurt.”

“Right,” she answers, looking up at the sky. “We… we aren’t safe here.”

“Where is here, exactly?”

A deafening screech echoes around the abandoned parking lot, answering the question for her. You’ve never heard anything like it in your life; there’s no way to describe it other than as inhuman, the noise causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up.

Robin doesn’t waste a second, grabbing your wrist and racing towards the entrance to the school building. “Avoid the vines!” she calls, vaulting over one herself.

By the time you reach the doors, you can see the horrifying outline of some kind of creature in the sky. You raise a hand to block out the unnatural light, trying to get a better look, but Robin pokes you in the arm to get your attention.

“It’s locked!” she yells, rattling the doors. “We’re stuck out here!”

The creature in the sky – it’s hard to comprehend the fact you’re facing a real, actual monster, but it looks like a cross between a stingray and a particularly large bat – is only getting closer, and if you’re not mistaken, there are more on the horizon.

“We’re going to have to fight,” Robin says, turning to you. “We need weapons–”

“The gym shed,” you suggest. “It won’t be locked, and they’ve got all kinds of sports equipment stashed away in there.”

“Brilliant!” Robin grins, grabbing your hand. “Up for some more running?”

It isn’t far to the shed, and just as you predicted, it isn’t locked. You and Robin spill inside, barricading the door behind you. You can’t imagine it will hold for long, but it will be enough for a moment of respite.

Robin rifles through the piles of junk, producing a baseball bat and a croquet mallet. “Who even plays croquet?” she mutters to herself, tossing it to the floor while she continues rummaging.

“Robin,” you say, trying to get her attention. “Robin,” you repeat, grabbing her wrist to force her to look at you.

There are tears shining in her eyes, and you can feel her pulse jumping under her skin. She’s just as terrified as you, but somehow, that’s comforting.

“I have no idea what’s going on,” you admit, “but I have to tell you, I’m so glad we’re in it together.”

Robin lets out a shaky laugh, taking your hand. “Me too. Not that we’re stuck here about to fight a load of demonic bats, but y’know–”

“I’d follow you to the end of the universe, if you asked me.” The words spill out of you without permission, your heart pounding as quickly as Robin’s. Half of you is praying that she doesn’t catch on, so you can go on being best friends, Platonic with a capital P. But the rest of you?

Well, if there’s a time to confess your crush, it’s before you get murdered by the monsters.

“I- Uh.” She swallows, squeezing your hand. “I think you’ve proved that already, since… Well, from what I know, this is the end of the universe.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “What?”

“Yeah, I think we’re sorta in a different dimension, or universe, or whatever. I don’t really understand it myself and I don’t want to ruin your super dramatic statement or anything, but you aren’t far from being right, and I kinda felt like I should confirm that before–”

“Robin,” you interrupt softly. “I think you’re doing the talking thing again.”

“Right.”

You both stare at each other for a long moment. Robin searches your face, looking for a sign, but you have no idea what.

“I think – Well, I know the reason why I talk so much around you.”

“Oh yeah?” you smile.

“I might have a little, tiny, massive, unstoppable crush on you.”

You’re in a different universe, hiding in your shitty high school’s shed. You’re about to fight a load of interdimensional monster-bats with nothing more than a croquet mallet. By all logical reasoning, you should be terrified.

You aren’t.

“I figure now would be a good time to tell you, since we’re about to die and everything–”

You grab Robin around the back of the neck, cutting her off by pressing your lips together. She hesitates for a moment, surprised, before wrapping her arms around your shoulders and kissing back with just as much force.

Maybe there are benefits to what amounts to a death sentence.

“I love you so much,” you say, breaking apart for air. You cup Robin’s face, running a thumb across her cheek to wipe away her tears before her eyeliner starts to run. 

She sniffs, managing a sad smile. “You don’t think we’re gonna make it either.”

“I don’t like our chances,” you admit, “but I’ve never fought demon bats before. Maybe they’re really easy to kill, and we’ll be out of here in a heartbeat.”

Something in Robin’s eyes tells you that your theory is nothing more than a fairytale.

“Either way,” you say, letting go of her so you can lean down and pick up the croquet mallet. “I’m gonna fight like hell.”

A screech rattles the foundations of the shed, deflated basketballs falling off the shelves as the bats begin to dive at the shed.

Robin grabs the baseball bat, testing its weight before grabbing your free hand. She takes a deep breath, nodding once before turning back to you.

“Let’s give them hell,” she declares, and you both face forwards, towards your fate.

[sammy-is-not-smiley]

Replacement (Part 1/2)

Steve Harrington x fem!reader

S4 SPOILER FREE

Summary: After coming across Steve and Dustin on the railroad tracks, you ended up accidently going through hell with them fighting demodogs and helping the Byers at their house. Now, you were tasked with keeping the kids safe at the house with Steve. The only thing is you assumed you were keeping them safe from interdimensional monsters... not Billy Hargrove. 

Word count: 4.1k

Warnings/tags: Fist fight, anxiety, gross non-con kiss, creepy Billy, hurt but not much comfort yet

A/N: This one starts a little boring but gets interesting towards the end lol. If I missed any possible trigger warnings please feel free to let me know! I’m still learning how to properly put them. I want to be able to give proper warning for those who need it. Part 2 will be available immediately :)

Read Part 2

Pondering over the night once again, you stared in the mirror, face dripping with cold water. Just the day before, the thing you were most worried about was your upcoming math final. Now, that final was a fading blip in the back of your mind. The night had consisted of fighting dog-like beasts with Steve Harrington, hiking in the woods with a nerdy group of middle schoolers, and meeting a little girl with superpowers who saved your life right before your eyes. To say nothing felt right was an understatement. 

A majority of the group that had been at the Byers’s minutes before had just left to carry out a plan you barely could keep up with. They all seemed to know what they were talking about though, and that was enough for you. In the end, you and Steve were left to keep the kids at the house and keep them safe while everyone else went to their separate missions. Considering the exhaustion you felt from the events of the evening, you were more than happy to be a co-babysitter. 

With a heavy sigh, you wiped your face with a clean towel and exited the Byers’ bathroom. As you did, a crashing erupted from the kitchen.

“All right,” You heard Dustin say. “It should fit now.”

You cautiously turned the corner to see the dead Demodog from the living room wrapped in a quilt in Steve’s arms. Dustin stood in front of a completely empty fridge, metal racks and bottles of condiments littering the floor next to him in a messy pile.

“Is this really necessary?” Steve asked in labored breaths. He noticed you as you entered the kitchen and looked at you with pleading eyes.

You rolled your eyes and fought a smile at Steve’s inability to say no to Dustin. “Dust, what are you putting him through now?”

“I’m preserving science,” Dustin replied sternly. “This is a groundbreaking scientific discovery! We can’t just bury this like some common mammal, okay? It’s not a dog,” He said to both you and Steve.

You and the taller boy glanced at each other, thinking the same thing. You looked back at Dustin, “Dude…. Demo-dog.”

Dustin rolled his eyes. “I call it that because it sounds badass, not because it’s scientifically accurate! It looks like a dog but it probably isn’t part canine.”

Steve groaned loudly, patience fraying, and started approaching the empty fridge. “Whatever Dust, you’re explaining this to Mrs. Byers,” He stressed.

He attempted to stuff the creature into the fridge but very obviously struggled, making you smirk. Your eyes trailed over and you caught yourself having to pull your eyes away from his jawline and neck as it flexed.

Now? Really? You shook your head as you chastised yourself. This is where being exhausted gets you.

The fridge shook as the head of the Demodog smacked against it. “Agh, help me out,” Steve grunted at Dustin. 

“What am I supposed to do?”

“Get the door or something!” Steve’s head turned and he pleaded your name. “Help.”

You scoffed and put your hands up, shaking your head. “Not my circus, not my monkeys. I’m not touching that thing.”

Groaning in response, Steve continued his struggle until finally, the fridge door could be slammed shut. You could hear the clang of glass bottles inside and the two boys let out a huff as you turned and began walking into the living room to get a subtle head count of the other kids.

Lucas and Max swept up the shattered glass from the window Eleven had thrown the Demodog through. Mike paced back and forth nervously, not paying any mind to you or the other two.

“Mike!” Lucas snapped suddenly, making you jump as you walk in. “Would you just stop?”

“You weren’t in there, okay, Lucas? That lab is swarming with hundreds of those dogs,” Mike snapped back with just as much bite. It was obvious he was worried sick for El.

“The chief will take care of her,” Lucas weakly tried to reassure, an air of annoyance in his tone. You admitted to yourself you were a bit annoyed with Mike too. He’d been nothing but pissy the whole night.

Max quietly scoffed. “Like she needs protection…”

Your shoulders sagged at the children's lame attempts to try and put Mike at ease. He might be irritable, but those kinds of responses wouldn’t pull him down from it. You took a step towards Mike. “Max is kind of right. I mean, you saw what she did to that…. Demodog,” You hesitated, the word still foreign on your tongue. “She threw it through the window with her mind. I think she might be able to handle a few more dogs.”

“You weren’t there either!” Mike practically barked your name. “This isn’t just ten or fifteen of those dogs, it’s hundreds. What’s this to you anyway? Why are you here?”

You felt a flame of anger burst into your chest. This was the first you had talked to him that night and you weren’t going to stand him shoving that attitude onto you. You thought Hopper had put this kid in his place before they left, but apparently not. “I don’t know, maybe because I want to help while it feels like the world is suddenly falling apart? News flash, Michael, I am as scared to death as you are. Don’t put us below you because you think none of us understand,” You fumed at him a little louder than intended. You really couldn’t regulate your own emotions while exhausted.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Steve interjected between you and Mike, a dish towel in one hand as he lifted both hands up. “Time out you two.”

You both rolled your eyes, turning in opposite directions. Mike really wasn’t worth the little energy you had left.

“Listen, dude,” Steve directed toward Mike. “Tone it down a bit. If the coach calls a play in the game, bottom line, you execute it. All right?”

Mike turned to Steve, a newfound rage in his eyes. “Okay, first of all, this isn’t some stupid sports game, and second, we aren't even in the game. We’re on the bench.”

Steve nodded as he wiped his hands on the dish towel. “Right, so my point is… Yeah, we’re on the bench so uh… There’s nothing we can do.” He concluded and threw the dish towel back and over his shoulder.

“That’s not entirely true,” Dustin argued. “I mean, these Demodogs have a hive mind. When they ran away from the bus they were called away.”

Lucas leaned against a broomstick. “So if we get their attention…”

“Maybe we can draw them away from the lab,” Max said.

“And clear a path to the gate,” Mike finished.

Steve folded his arms over his torso. “Yeah, and then we all die.”

“Or not,” You piped up. If you didn’t know any better you would think these kids had a hive mind too. Their plan was thought up quickly but it sounded about right as far as you could tell. And with Mike’s mood making yours go sour, going out and doing something useful didn’t sound half bad. Otherwise, you might end up beating a child whos name starts with an ‘M’.

“Really?” Steve's shoulders sagged at you. “You’re the one supposed to be on my side here!”

You shrugged and gave an insincere apologetic expression. “Steve, as much as it annoys me to say this at the moment, Mike is right. This isn’t a sports game, there are no rules. And I’m pretty sure the opponent plays dirty anyway.”

Steve put his hand up to his face to shield it from the kids and mouthed a dramatic ‘ fucking stop it’. All you did was innocently smile in response. 

“I got it!” Mike exclaimed and ran past you into the kitchen. He squat down and pointed to a spot on a drawn vine put together by papers on the fridge. “This is where the chief dug his hole. This is our way into the tunnel. So…” He stood and ran to another area. A larger one where all the pages of drawn vines led to. “Right here, this is like a hub. You got all the tunnels feeding in here. So, maybe if we set this on fire--”

“Oh yeah, that’s a no,” Steve shot down immediately.

“The Mind Flayer would call away its army,” Dustin followed Mike’s thought process, ignoring Steve.

Lucas grinned widely. “They’d all come to stop us!”

“Guys--” Steve tried to interrupt. 

“Yeah, and then we circle back to the exit,” Mike continued. “By the time they realize we’re gone--”

“El would be at the gate!” Max followed as well.

“Wait, all this is a real map?... Are you sure we could make it out before they get there?” You asked, reminded that once again you were missing details of the situation.

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Steve hollered as he clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “This is not happening! I promised to keep you shitheads safe, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. Especially you,” He jabbed a finger at you, making your eyes widen and your heart jolt. “‘Cause with all due respect, you aren’t supposed to be in this mess in the first place.” He looked back to the children. “We’re staying here, on the bench, and we’re waiting for the starting team to do their job. Does everybody understand?” Steve lectured as he put his hands on his hips. 

“This isn’t some stupid sports game!” Mike reiterated himself.

“I said does everybody understand that?... I need a yes,” Steve finished in expectancy.

A moment of silence fell on the room.

“We would have to be quick,” You broke it, looking down at the hub all the vines led to. A hint of guilt directed at Steve sat in your stomach at ignoring him… But the more you thought about it the more you were on the kid's side. It wasn’t your fault Steve felt responsible for your wellbeing. Plus, you were pretty sure the kids would follow through on their plan whether you and Steve supported it anyway. 

Steve yelled out your name. “What the hell?” He snapped. “We’re not doing this!” He gestured his hands out.

You sympathetically look back to meet his brown eyes, which once again were pleading with you to help him out here. 

You ran a hand through your hair in exasperation. Walking up to him you sternly held eye contact with him. “The other team doesn’t play fair, so why should we?” You repeated yourself in nearly a whisper. “I think all hands on deck might be necessary for this one.”

Just as it looked like he was wavering and about to break, the roar of a car engine revved from the driveway. Headlights blared through the front living room window. 

Max’s eyes went round in recognition and she ran to the window, looking out to confirm who had arrived.

“It’s my brother. He can’t know I’m here,” She looked at Lucas at her side, who had followed her suit. “He’ll kill me… he’ll kill us,” She said shakily. 

“This is the WORST TIMING.” You mumbled, looking back at Steve for his reaction. He had turned toward the door, his face suddenly plastered with a newfound determination. 

You knew Billy, or at least as well as you could being in the same grade as him. He was also someone who played dirty, you saw that clearly from watching him on the basketball court.

Steve suddenly slapped his dish towel to the ground and strode over to the door. He walked out and closed it behind him as you watched with wide eyes. 

“What’s he doing!?” Max hissed, looking back toward you.

You put a hand to your face and drug it down your cheek as nerves made your stomach knot. “Keeping us shitheads safe?...”

The kids took up all the space around the window, leaving you to stand to the side and rely on them for info. “What’s happening?” You asked in a hushed tone. You sat and watched the beams of light, hoping to see them turn away and disappear. However, they remained.

“They’re just talking,” Lucas replied, staring intently out the window.

“I don’t think it’ll stay that way for long,” Max speculated, shaking her head slightly.

You shook your head. “I don’t think so either.”

Suddenly the three younger kids ducked down below the window and onto the couch.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Dustin swore. 

“What!?”

“He saw us in the window! I didn’t think he would be able to see us, ah shit!” 

“He knows I’m here,” Max professed, eyes wild and panicked.

“Oh my god, okay, off the couch!” You commanded, practically yanking them by the arms and pulling them back toward the hallway. “Do you think he’ll try to get inside?” You tried to ask Max, but before you could get an answer the door swung open and slammed back against the wall.

You whirled around to the doorway to see a shadow standing in the frame that definitely wasn’t Steve. 

“Quite the party in here, huh?” Billy boasted and slammed the door behind him. On instinct, you put your arms out protectively in front of the kids. However, Billy looked right past you as if you weren’t even there. 

Where the hell did Steve go?

“Lucas Sinclair, what a surprise,” Billy said, attempting to advance toward the boy.

You stepped forward and came between the two. “Billy, get out of here,” You warned in as stern and protective a voice you could muster. You were surprised, though, at how bold you managed to sound.

Billy scoffed dramatically. “You know (y/n), I’ve never known you to be the excitable type,” He said smugly, finally acknowledging your existence in the room.

“You don’t know me,” You seethed back at him, trying to maintain the painful eye contact. “Just leave. Leave us all alone.”

He rolled his eyes and took a puff of his cigarette, tossing it to the floor. He shifted his gaze to Max. “I thought I told you to stay away from that loser, Max,” He grumbled, glaring at Lucas.”And the rest of them while you’re at it.” He glared at you like you were chopped liver. Your eye contact faltered slightly under his gaze.

Max drilled a fiery stare at her stepbrother. “Billy, go away.”

“You disobeyed me,” He continued. “And you know what happens when you disobey me.”

Your hands tightened into fists at his tone.

WHERE IS STEVE?

“I break things.” Billy barely finished the sentence when he shoved you out of the way and lunged at Lucas.

The motion taking you by surprise, you stumbled over your own feet and smacked your head on the ground, landing hard on the floor. The house around you visually shifted and you tried to regain your senses as Billy picked Lucas up by his jacket over you. He swiftly carried him into the kitchen and slammed Lucas’s smaller body into a shelf with a crash. In a panic, you attempted to grope around you for something. You guessed you were looking for some sort of weapon.

If Steve wasn’t here, then it was up to you to protect these kids, even if it wasn’t from monsters from another dimension. Billy was enough of a beast as it was.

“Since Maxine won’t listen to me, maybe you will,” Billy growled at Lucas. “You stay away from her. Stay away from her! You hear me?”

Suddenly a new figure burst through the front door. Steve’s eyes fell to see you on the floor, disoriented, as Billy’s yells echoed from the kitchen. He stared at you, then at the frightened children trying to help you up, and his eyes blazed with anger.

“Get off me!” Lucas yelled and kicked Billy, causing him to groan and release his grip on the boy.

“You’re so dead Sinclair! You’re dead!”

Steve turned the corner into the kitchen with purpose and spun Billy around by the shoulder. “No, you are.” His fist collided with Billy’s face.

“No, no, no, no,” You muttered under your breath as you finally stood, Dustin and Max’s grip still on your arms. After the first punch, you knew exactly where this was headed. It couldn’t end well, not with Billy.

A lump formed in your throat when instead of groaning or responding in anger, Billy began maniacally giggling like a clown. “Looks like you got some fire in you after all, huh?” He digressed at Steve. “I’ve been waiting to meet this ‘King Steve’ everybody’s been telling me so much about.”

“Get out,” Steve replied sternly.

Billy stared at him a moment, meanwhile, you hoped whatever fire that had been lit beneath the two had diffused. You shook off the children’s grasp and just when you thought it was over, the fire raged again and Billy took a swing at Steve. He ducked, causing Billy to strike the air, giving Steve the opportunity to punch once more. Again and again, Steve pivoted successful blows as the kids began to yell and cheered him on.

All you could do was stand silent with a pounding heart and frozen body, not exactly sure what to do. You’ve never intervened in a fight before, let alone been in one. You fought dog monsters just hours earlier, why couldn’t you get your feet to move and help Steve now?

Just protect the kids. 

You corralled Lucas back over to you, putting him behind you once again. Looking back at the fight, you began to feel hope rise in your chest when Steve looked to be handling the still laughing lunatic pretty well.

Until he wasn’t.

Billy took hold of a plate and bashed it against Steve’s head, shattering the plate to pieces. He then took Steve’s moment of weakness and progressed toward him, throwing punches equal to what he had received from the other teen. 

You pushed the kids back as the two moved their conflict past you and into the living room. Billy clutched Steve’s jacket and the two locked eyes.

“No one tells me what to do,” He grossly sneered, then pushed Steve across the room with terrifying strength.

Billy then got down and pounded Steve’s face relentlessly into the floor with his fists, to the point where Steve’s face was an unrecognizable bloody mess. With each hit you found yourself flinching.

You stared at Billy in horror as tears began to sting your eyes. Then your eyes met Steve, who no longer looked conscious. Something snapped inside of you at that moment and a flood of pure rage ran through your being, exploding from your chest. Your hands were squeezing into fists again, your nails digging into your palms, and you strode over to Billy. Roughly, you gripped a clump of his hair and yanked him back from Steve’s limp body. 

Billy landed on his back at your feet and stared up at you. The children’s yelling suddenly ceased. Your eyes widened at the realization of what you had done and you took a step back. Bringing your hand up from your side, you clearly saw a wad of Billy’s crusty, curly mullet woven in your fingers.

A smirk began growing on his face as Billy observed the fear washing over yours. He laughed wildly again. “Very unexpected,” He said with a grunt as he slowly stood up. “So, what, are you, Harrington’s pet now?”

You let the hair in your hand fall to the floor. “... Huh?”

Billy began walking toward you in deliberate menacing steps. “You know, a little bird told me you’re just a lonely pervert. A little perv who likes to watch us guys on the court.” He took another step closer.

While you couldn’t properly voice it in the moment, you didn’t go to basketball practice at school to site see. You always went to meet with your math tutor. But of course, Billy would twist it like that…

You could feel the tingling behind your nose of tears beginning to well. Desperately, you fought the feeling. “That’s…” Your mind went blank as you backed away from the taller boy. You fumbled around in your mind for a good comeback or even just a name to call Billy, but nothing came of it. Humiliation quickly took a firm hold on you.

He laughed again, a disgusting, prideful laugh. “Oh, come on, it’s all true isn’t it?” He bellowed. “And I bet the only reason Stevie’s with you is because no one else will give you the time of day. Am I right?” He smiled wickedly. “He’s gone mushy.”

“We’re not together,” You barely said audibly. Of all things, your tired brain chose that to say. The rage that had flooded your system only a minute before was long gone and you struggled to find it again. 

You continued to step back away from him only hit a wall, halting you in your tracks. Billy took a step closer and slammed both hands up on the wall on either side of your head, trapping you. You aren’t much shorter than him, but at that moment he seemed to tower feet over you. Although you suddenly refused to make eye contact while he was that close, you could still smell cigarettes in each hot breath he exhaled. Hot and sweaty breaths that made you want to gag.

“What was that, babydoll?” He asked in a low brusque tone that masked his thunder. It made goosebumps erupt over your skin… And not in a good way.

You inhaled shakily and grimaced, trying not to choke on the foul stench of his breath. “Don’t call me that. I said… we’re not together. You need to leave.” Your chest felt tight and you squeezed your hands into fists again, not out of anger but in fear.

“Oh, really? You two aren’t an item? Well, I guess it’s okay if I do this, then.” 

Your eyes widened as you felt his lips forcefully press onto yours. Immediately, you put your hands on his chest, trying to push away only to be met with the wall on your back. He brought his hands up and held your head with a painful grip on the sides, fingers pulling your hair at the roots. His grip was too strong and, in panic, you began hitting his chest with your closed fists.

The smell and taste of smoke was overwhelming as Billy forced his slimy tongue past your lips and into your mouth. Salty sweat and a hint of metallic blood made its way off his upper lip and into the kiss, causing you to finally gag. You started to dig your nails into his bare arms, desperately trying to make him pull away as you weren’t able to. 

Abruptly, he pulled away and put his hand to his neck as something stuck out of it. You didn’t even try to see what happened, instead, you crumbled to the floor in defeat. Earnestly you wiped at your mouth with your hoodie sleeve, squeezing your eyes shut, trying to will away what had just happened. Your body jerked and convulsed in tremors and you could feel the hot tears finally flowing down your face.

Suddenly, a rough thud rattled the floor in front of you, causing you to jolt and look up. Your watery eyes were met with Billy laying there, barely conscious, yet still horrifically chuckling to himself.

“From here on out, you leave me and my friends alone. Do you understand?” Max warned Billy as she held Steve’s spiked bat over him threateningly.

“Screw you,” He mumbled.

Max swung the bat down onto the wood floor between his legs, making your body jolt. “Say you understand! Say it… Say it!” She screamed.

“I understand.”

“What?” Max pressed.

“I understand,” Billy grunted, then quietly went limp and passed out.

Max let out a breath as she dropped the bat to her side, once again making you jump. She turned and looked at you, still sitting on the floor with shiny streaks of tears streaming steadily down your face. Your head was turned toward Billy, but you wouldn’t look at him.

“Oh god,” Max lamented your name. “I’m so sorry, so so sorry,” She knelt down next to you, wrapping her arms around your broken body.

You simply let your head fall back into her arms, closing your eyes. Shame flooded your chest as you realized the kids had been there and saw the whole thing. Your tears quickly soaked the girl’s green jacket, but you paid no mind. You heard footsteps next to you, then the soft embrace of more arms. As you sat in the fetal position on the floor, the children embraced you in a shield of themselves. Their body warmth radiated safety, a concept you were struggling to hold onto in the moment.

“I- It’s not you- your fault,” You finally managed to hiccup. 

[destielfanfic]

Destiel Fic Starter Pack

Never watched Supernatural but wondering what all the hype is about? Then this is the post for you. If you have been on tumblr for some time or just from November 5, 2020, you may have seen a gif set or two or a hundred with destiel aka Dean and Castiel from Supernatural. @fandom​ even made a Destiel Is Canon post with short overview of basic facts! Are you interested but have no idea where to start? We know, we know. Life is hectic, 2020 is taxing and Supernatural has too many episodes to watch. 15 seasons and 327 episodes to be precise but who’s counting? Say no more, we got your back, fam!  You don’t need to have ever watched SPN to enjoy the fics on this rec post.

For fans who have never watched SPN, some basic facts - 1x01 starts with Dean Winchester (26 yo) professional monster hunter, picking up his brother Sam (22 yo), student at Stanford, and going on a one off monster hunt. For the next 3 seasons they travel around the country in their black Impala 67 hunting monsters, saving people. Castiel, Angel of the Lord and the multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent, arrives in 4x01.The rest is shipping history. Check this 36 min YT video, The Story of Dean and Castiel  by deansbansee with all the best destiel scenes from S4-15. And now, fics!

All title links go to our fully tagged reviews.

1. If you want to read fics that are set in Supernatural universe but are not canon specific, your best bet is pre season 4 (our tag) and solo hunter Dean (our tag) fics where young Dean meets Castiel differently from the show, and fics that are very loosely tied to a specific season. And, if you’ll decide to watch the show later, you still won’t be spoiled!

A Distant Mirror by zatnikatel [NC-17, 14,700 word count, time travel, humor, smut, posted 2013]

Ad Astra - latin; “to the stars” by nhixxie [T, 17,400 word count, Castiel is a Star, posted 2013]

Broadway Musical by Griftings [M, 12,400 word count, humor, Heavenly Host, posted 2014]

Carnival Oasis series by violue [NC-17, 47,000 word count, 10 works, creature!cas, posted 2016-20]

Convenient Husbands by Annie D (scaramouche) [NC-17, 39,000 word count, garuda!cas, hurt comfort, posted 2012]

Do What Feels Good by catchclaw & cymbalism [NC-17, 12,500 word count, smut smut smut, posted 2014]

Everyone Is Trying to Get to the Bar by balder12 [NC-17, 8,400 word count, true form!cas, posted 2012]

Good One’s Gonna Be by remmyme [NC-17, 37,000 word count, professor Cas, posted 2017]

Kiss You When It’s Dangerous by zoemathemata [NC-17, 58,000 word count, FBI agent Cas, posted 2012]

Professional Couple Only by saltyfeathers [M, 37,000 word count, pretend boyfriends on a case, posted 2015]

The Request by cloudyjenn [T, 36,000 word count, wing!fic, posted 2012]

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircase [M, 47,000 word count, student Cas, posted 2016]

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon [NC-17, 8,600 word count, fluff, posted 2014]

2. If you don’t want to bother with Supernatural canon at all, then you are still in for a treat. With 92,500 fics (December 12, 2020) and counting, destiel is currently the biggest ship on AO3. Destiel fics cover a lot of popular tropes and kinks but some are more popular than others among destiel fans. Angst, miscommunication, exploration of Dean’s low self esteem, Cas’s rusty people skills and general otherness are a staple of AU fics. But also exploration of one’s sexuality - internalized homophobia, coming out, bisexuality and asexuality are common themes.

All the Way by cadignan [NC-17, 81,000 word count, college AU, posted 2013]

Cinderwings by bendingsignpost [M, 182,000 word count, wing!fic, masquerade ball, posted 2017]

Kiss the Baker by ltleflrt [NC-17, 111,000 word count, rom com, posted 2015]

Not Part of the Plan by Annie D (scaramouche) [NC-17, 338,000 word count, 8 works, arranged marriage, posted 2013-18]

Oh What A Beautiful City by moosefeels [M, 27,200, a/b/o, omega Cas, arranged marriage, posted  2014]

Passing Ships by quiettewandering [M, 78,000 word count, not traditional soulmate AU, posted 2017]

Peace and Good Luck To All Men by kismetjeska [T, 32,400 word count, humor, Xmas fic, posted 2013]

The Return Policy by castielrisingabove [M, 32,500 word count, incubus!dean, ace witch!cas, posted 2018]

The Sawdust Men by linoresearch [NC-17, 123,000 word count, dystopian angst, posted 2014]

Scars by lemonsorbae [NC-17, 148,000 word count, young adults - punk!dean, nerd!cas, posted 2018]

Three Funerals and a Wedding by engaldnwouldfall [M, 25,300 word count, friends to lovers, LARPing, posted 2016]

True as It Can Be by whelvenwings [NC-17, 72,000 word count, modern retelling of Beauty and the Beast, posted 2016]

Unsolicited verse by dangerousnotbroken [NC-17, 68,700 word count, 5 works, posted 2016-18, smut smut smut]

Unwritten by porcupinegirl [NC-17, 75,800 word count, a/b/o, alpha/alpha pairing, posted 2015]

3. Lastly, for all fans who watched SPN finale and were left with a raging wtf was that? feeling, here’s 4 fics where Dean and Cas did a better job at restoring Heaven and 2 fics where living with disability was not the end of the world.

The Dance of Inanna by peppermintwind [NC-17, 106,000 word count, humor and adventures, posted 2012]

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by amarillogrande [M, 22,200 word count, Dean arrives in Heaven and meets his loved ones, posted  2014]

Holy!Dean Verse by bunnycaccool [NC-17, 120,300 word count, 5 works, very Dean centric, posted 2011-15]

These Are Not Real Problems by Annie D (scaramouche) [NC-17, 30,500 word count, post godstiel Cas arrives in Heaven, posted 2011]

The Breath Of All Things by kismetjeska [T, 65,400 word count, Dean in a wheelchair, posted 2013]

Kingdom Come by cheesewithmy [M/NC-17, 97,700 word count, Dean has a prosthetic arm, posted 2014]

4. Other fun things to check out. Destielfanfic has been a part of destiel community since 2012, and while we used to be much more active (see this post), we are still kicking around. Please visit our Tags Page and explore all the goodies there. We even have separate tags for every season so you can avoid spoilers when necessary. Some useful links:

Tags Page 

ask about iconic destiel fics for folks who just joined fandom

thematic fic rec lists with art (college, creatures, a/b/o, Hogwarts, Christmas - you name it, we have it)

check out our Pride posts for more fics that explore sexuality  - Pride 2017, Pride 2018, Pride 2019 and Pride 2020.

Still can’t decide which destiel fic to read? Try this brand new random fic generator created by @deanwinchestergender​  (not affiliated with DFF) or try Random button on our blog - top right corner and the sidebar (see this post )

also, check out the latest destiel fanart at our sister blog  @destielfanworks​ - Cas with rainbow wings can be found on #cas with wings tag and fanart that was created after 15x18 can be found on #destiel 2020 and #theysilencedyou tags, we also have a general #season 15 tag.

and here’s another destiel fic rec list for new fans by a destiel fic writer and a long time contributor to our blog, our friend  @no-gorms​ aka Annie D (scaramouche)

And last but not least. Thank you, Elena, @purgatory-jar​, for letting us to use your beautiful art! Link to the original art post. 

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[twiceasfrustrating]

so i saw your tags on the post about lesson 69 *spoilers* and i have to agree, it feels like everything we went through with the characters it was for nothing? i mean, i understand Lucifer and Satan deserve a better “reconciliation” a proper talk and that but still, them having that horrible fight and MC not even questioning where is Satan sucks, all of them feel distant and tbh in my opinion the new characters have nothing to do with it! they had so little screen time to have a “bond” or any sort of relationship with MC, now it feels like un unnecessary drama, and ugh don’t make me talk about the Simeon thing

sorry for the rant but i feel like you get me ahshsh anyways what else you thought about the lesson?

Spoilers and rambling below:

It feels so gross. We spent so many seasons getting to know our already bloated cast of 11 guys + Luke (originally the seven brothers + sides). It already felt like no one was getting all the time they deserved, but I at least felt like growth was happening. Mammon basically took Luke as another brother, Satan and Lucifer went through 3 separate reconciliations, Beel secretly feels like a burden to his entire family, Belphie is legitimately traumatized by his time in the attic (as we learn from the boogeyman), Diavolo's childlike personality seems to derive from the fact that he was basically alone a lot as a child so he is finally dealing with that stage of development now even though he has to also be a ruler, Solomon is shady (affectionate), Simeon has LOST HIS POWERS.... and we are focused on the three new characters I wasn't really looking forward to in the first place.

Like... S4 forgot all about the characters we love. They forgot Beel's survivor's guilt and how that might play into seeing Raphael again, forgot Mammon is a person and not a punching bag (S3 was already getting on my nerves with the amount of pact abuse against him), they made Diavolo mindlessly chaotic again, they REFUSE to address Simeon and just keep teasing him rather than addressing him. Why are they acting like Raphael wasn't on the side that literally got their sister killed or that he used to literally chase Asmo around with spears????

They are so focused on trying to build up their new characters into ones people will simp for that they forgot to focus on the ones we already know. They've been reduced to tropes rather than remembering the other things that help make them up. The sides had to wait an entire year before they given any focus aside from being a supporting cast. These three? Focus on them immediately, I guess! I don't even like any of them outside of my Mephisto x Satan ship (and I actively hate Thirteen which... makes my little pansexual heart cry, but it is what it is).

MC has always been sort of more... passive to the story but it feels like it is getting worse. Before, it was just us playing along with the insanity and not questioning weird moments (for some reason I can't comfort Simeon after the boogeyman), but... MC used to be able to at least play at being defiant. They could say "no" to things, even if they were then forced into it. Now? MC just keeps agreeing. I don't want to abuse Mammon. I want to ask Simeon what's the matter.

And the field day level activities? How does this prove we're worthy to join the student council? I don't understand any of it.

And, of course, the events are as never ending as usual. I have actually joined the movement of cancelling my VIP after seeing this was ANOTHER Celestial Blessing. I cannot, in good faith, keep financially supporting a game that seems to be screwing the f2p player base IN ADDITION TO not caring about their base content.

I still love that characters I got, still am in the fandom, but I need Obey Me to do better. We waited so so so long for season 4... and for what? They aren't giving us the characters that we were literally ready to join the family of at the end of S3. These aren't the same people that followed us to the Human Realm in order to be with us. They are treating them all poorly, in fact. For a wait that long, I expected things to take off running and keep running.

I probably have other thoughts, but I am just saying what comes to mind at the moment. I just... ugg

EDIT: I forgot to mention how I think they are panicking because Twisted Wonderland is out now and the fanbases seem to overlap a lot. They are losing their players' intrest to the new shiny game and they are worried. They've been releasing lessons early since twst was launched.

Do better OM. We can love both, but you have to put in the effort.

[y3ager]

CHANGES.

— you bare witness as the weight of paradis’ fate morphs eren yeager into the man he is today.

eren y. x fem!reader

tags: angst. s4/manga spoilers. canon-typical violence, cursing, arguing. one-shot. a request (my first!!!) from @blackweebtrash . thank you for trusting me with your idea. <3

prompt: “watching eren grow up to be the monster he is and once you try to and tell him to stop, he doesn’t listen.”

“FUCK!” YOU SHOUT, but there’s no animosity behind the expletive. your trousers are pulled up over your shins and your arms are held over your face as you try to escape sasha’s barrage of splashing. you fall, inevitably, the clear-blue waters soaking your bottom and your shirt. “okay! okay! you win, you win!” you surrender to the brunette, only to laugh harder when you hear commander hange shout about how salty the water is when captain levi told them not to drink that. now connie is splashing sasha to avenge you.

you pick yourself up, shaking the water out of your hair and wading out further, giggling as it reaches higher and higher. it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. its vastness, its clarity…. it’s breathtaking.

“er-” you begin, only for your voice to falter. your smile slowly fades away. he’s staring out past the ocean, almost at the horizon, his arm held up lazily. the breeze tousles his long hair, it’s longer than you’ve ever seen it be, it tickles his shoulders and sometimes gets in way. there’s something on his mind.

you barely catch the utterance of your name, but you feel yourself wading closer to him.

“do you think…. once we destroy our enemies across this sea… we can truly be free?”

“i..” there’s not much you can say to him in this state of mind, when there’s that pensive look on his face. he stares unseeingly at something, into the future almost, and sadness mars his pretty features. you don’t like when he gets like this. he looked like this in the basement, the drafty and damp atmosphere just making him look sadder, and he looked like this as he stared at an immobile titan, its pathetic little limbs denying it the privilege to run. “you shouldn’t think about things like that right now. and i’m sure there are plenty of people who will stand by us, and fight with us for the right thing.”

he’s still staring into the future, witnessing deaths and atrocities yet to be committed. “…you’re right.” eren lowers his arm and, finally, looks toward you. a shadow of a smile ghosts his features. “i’m sorry.”

you were ready to suit up and leave before you even fully registered the letter; all that mattered was that eren was alive, but he needed help. you were ready to run to him, swim to him if you had to. and now you stand in what you assume hell itself must look and feel like, surrounded by fiery destruction and the wails and screams of the otherwise innocent.

as someone’s scream is cut short by a flying piece of debris, your mind attempts to placate you by reminding you of the time eren, your eren, young and boyishly cute, cupped a spider in his hands and tossed it out the window of your dorm while you stood in the doorway begging him to squash it. you could slice up titan scruffs all day long, but eight legs was six too many for you.

now isn’t the time for sentimentalities. your new and improved ODM gear yanks you up into the grim sky and towards the getaway blimp.

‘eren… what could you possibly have to say for all of this?’

…

you want to scream, shout, sob, tear and clutch at your hair, but you seem to lack the strength to do so. all you can do is stare dully at the man you loved.

he’s cleaned himself up nicely. his shoulder length brown locks are pulled back away from his face, and he somehow got rid of that god awful stubble. the faucet in the sink drips slowly, and is one of the few sounds in the cell. he stares at the mirror, hands holding the sides of the basin, and you glare through iron bars.

“you here to lecture me, too?” his bored voice drawls out.

“god, shut up.” you want it to sound commanding, authoritative, to match the older body you now posses, but you sound more like a teenager. “eren. please. you’ve got to stop. what you’re doing, it’s insane! what reasoning could there possibly be behind this much bloodshed? i lay awake at night haunted by those screams and wails, eren. i know you do too.”

“during war, there’s bloodshed, ___. that’s an inescapable fact.” his right eye shifts over to stare down at you, the green orb cold and unforgiving. “people will die. i hoped you would be logical about this.”

you can’t help but be taken aback, the shock evident in your face as your eyes blink in disbelief and you pull your head back. “...logical?” you echo quietly, not sure if you want to laugh or spit. “logical? you, eren yeager, are trying to tell someone about being logical? you see, this is how i know you’ve lost your damn mind while in marley, because you are the last person in the world to try to tell someone to start valuing logic over feelings!”

“and this is exactly what i’m talking about. now you’re letting your emotions control-”

you’re on a roll now, and you can’t be stopped. eren’s dead eyed stare does nothing to deter you. “oh, shut the fuck up. was that logic telling you to go against two grown men at the ripe age of nine when you wanted to save mikasa? were you using your brain when you reached into the mouth of a titan to save armin? yeah, you’re totally the poster boy for logical thinking.”

this is going left very quickly. you don’t want to argue with him, you want to help him for god’s sake. your hands fly up to desperately clutch at your hair. “eren, by god, just listen to me!” frustration has your eyes brimming with tears, and your face heating up.

“nothing you say has any value to me right now.” he stands up straight and strides over to the metal bars, affixing you with his careless gaze. “i know what i must do, and there’s nothing any of you can say to stop me. i guess i’ll repeat my question, what can we do, ____? i’d love to know, since you apparently have all the answers.”

“couldn’t we just talk?” your voice is small, drowned out by the growing lump in your throat. why is eren looking at you like this? like you’re pathetic, a burden, worth less than the dirt he stands on. his unloving glare makes you want to fall down and curl up. “eren, i’m begging you, please.”

eren shows no sign of listening, wavering, and you leave before you spill all of your dignity out before this man.

…

slightly red eyes and a busted up face work together to hammer the final nail in the coffin. eren is truly gone. he attacked his closest friends with words and fists. you let your head fall back against the cold brick wall of the cell, arms wrapped loosely around your bent knees. ‘we were so special to you, though,’ you think bitterly, transported back to that time in the slowly setting sun, the wind from the train ride wicking away the long day’s sweat. ‘look at us now.’

your eyes glance over to mikasa. her voice, while firm, had been quiet when she told armin not to go into detail about the fight. you can’t help but wonder what words could have been uttered to drive armin of all people to throw a punch. you take your eyes off of her.

you’re so tired.

…

a very naive and childish portion of you; that snuck out of your dorm to meet him in the empty mess hall to share a tentative, almost forbidden first kiss; held his mittened hands against your face in an attempt to stave off the bitter cold during winter training; clutched him tightly in that crystalline cave and pressed her hand against his bleeding forehead; adored him, protected him, rode side by side him on matching umber stallions, and stared at him tearfully as he whispered promises of never leaving, never dying, believes that there must be some bigger meaning behind this. the insults, the curses, the yelling, the betrayal, all must be part of some bigger plan, that it must be in your best interest.

but as his voice, distorted and unholy blares through your head, wishing death on everyone past the sea surrounding paradis, a sea you wish you all had never seen now, you know that these are the hopes and dreams of just that; a naive, foolish little girl.

eren is not who he once was, not anymore. he is but another foe, monster, you must defeat.

[chicoriii]

Is Luka really truthful?

I've been thinking about Luka recently a bit and I think there's a small chance to fix his character to some extend. I've seen someone saying that Luka just got personality this season, but I can't agree with it. Luka isn't still a proper character, but more like a cardboard thing. In Truth he is a bit more human, but only a bit. Having daddy issues is not enough. In my opinion, characters can't have a personality if they don't have even one big flaw and they are very "pure". I see some bad in Luka's character, but that's not something for which he could be really criticised as a human being. He is still too pure to be even a little more believable character. And it alone makes him very annoying to me, especially along with his cringy "poetic" lines, so I really can't like him. Still. Also notice that he was "a little more human" only in Truth, in the next episodes with him, he's as much "perfect" as he has been in previous seasons, especially in Wishmaker. More, they only has shown him as more talented guy than before, that's not what his character needs. However, that episode has given a little hint that Luka could not be as much "perfect" human being like we think and I play on that idea in this post.

I will call it more wishful thinking than a theory, because I don't have enough faith in the writing team to believe there's a high chance they could write Luka like that (especially not after seeing half of season 4, since I lost almost all my faith in the writers), that's rather abysmal, but I can't not think about it for a bit.

Also if you don't know my blog much: I don't read/watch any spoiler material. I know there are already two post-Wishmaker episodes with release dates, so there could be any that says something about what will happen with Luka since he knows. Even if there's something in spoilers, please don't tell me. Also post it after Hack-san release (though I started writing before), and I haven't seen the episode yet, but it takes place before Wishmaker, so no matter what happened there, it has nothing to do with this post.

I've seen only those post-Wishmaker fanfics in which Luka is helpful (I haven't ready any, but authors made in clear in their fics synopsis\tags), but I think it's too early to claim that that's a logical route for his character. The show made an effort to convince us that Luka doesn't mind if Marinette will be with Adrien at all and he is very truthful. But what if it was a big lie from the beginning? What if Luka has been saying that he will be fine only because he wanted to be seen as a good and selfless guy, as before discovering who the Parisian superheroes are, he was sure that Adrien has no romantic feeling towards Marinette. Maybe in Crocoduel and Wishmaker he was trying to convince Marinette to confess to Adrien even more than before, but not because he wanted Adrienette to happen, but because he wanted his loved one to be rejected by his rival, so then their relationship could finally get another chance. Maybe he really believes in Second Chance(s)?

I imagine that Luka believes in destiny and he thinks Marinette is destined to him. He could think that her being obsessed with Adrien is just a childish phase from which she is going grow out of sooner or later. Sooner when she gets rejected by him.

But his hope that Adrien doesn't care about Marinette romantically has been disproved once he discovered that they are Ladybug and Chat Noir. As if Marinette loves Adrien and Chat Noir loves Ladybug, they love is mutual, they just don't know it yet (awful S4 writing made me started highly doubting Marinette love towards Adrien, because of how shitty he treats Chat, but that's another story). One thing is clear: Luka isn't happy with the truth. His reactions when he discovering their identities say more than million words.

Discovering that Marinette is Ladybug made him shocked, which is natural reaction for everyone who knows her.

Seeing that Adrien is Chat Noir is shocking for him as well for sure, but his main emotion is sadness. I see no other reason why he could react like that than realising that Adrien is in love with Marinette. Luka isn't malicious, so he isn't angry, only sad, but that says everything.

The common thing in the fandom is claiming that while Marinette, Adrien and Kagami can be seen as obsessive with their crusher, Luka is not. After all, he said he would be all happy if Marinette is with Adrien. All his words are always the truth, right? For me that never made sense. If Luka doesn't care if Marinette is with him or another boy, he can't be in love with her truly. Romantic love doesn't work like that. No matter how selfless you are, unrequited love always hurts. No matter how much you want to be happy seeing your loved one is with someone they love, that would be hurtful for you. So I have always seen Luka's feelings for Marinette as completely unbelievable. BUT if Luka has always believed that Marinette is destined to him, it would explain everything, there's no reason to be really upset when she's babbling about Adrien all the time like crazy. It's just a phase anyway. She'll realise who is her real love eventually, it's just a matter of time.

Many people think that Luka's love is mature, but I have never agreed with it. It can't be mature if he lets her to treats him like a shit. He should have given up on her in Desperada if he was really mature and rational. And I don't mean the whole guitar bullshit, but that she has completely forgotten about him once Adrien appeared on the boat. It's extremely disrespectful towards him. It would be awful even if he wants only friendship from her. Friends don't treat each other like that. Besides, nothing has changed when they were dating. Marinette has been babbling nonsense about Adrien and forgetting about their dates. It's disrespectful and if Luka doesn't see that, it means his attitude is not healthy.

Take a note that all Marinette, Adrien and Kagami were trying to move on from their crushes at least. Especially Kagami, her disappointment in him and events in Mr. Pigeon 72 made her given up on him completely and a real Adrienette shipper, as she's noticed love to each other in them even without knowing they are ying-yang superheroes. Kagami who has been attacked for being brutally honest that she wants to try her chance with Adrien and she thought they could be made for each other. Their failed relationship has shown her, she wasn't right and she has accepted it. But what about Luka? Has he learnt anything? Is he really accepted that Marinette isn't made for him and is his support for Adrienette really honest? At the end of Truth he is saying that when she was ready, he'll here for her. I'm not sure if translation is correct (I'm taking the line from the French version), but if yes, it's quite interesting choice of words. It's like Luka thinks Marinette just needs some time to get ready to realise he's her loved one, not Adrien.

So maybe Luka is the one who is really obsessive with his crush, not Kagami, like people usually think, and he isn't going to accept that Marinette and Adrien are going to get together that easily?

So is Luka able to do something questionable now when he knows more than anyone else in the show? I hope he will.

Look at how another person who knows secret identity of one of the superheroes is dealing with it. Not everyone would agree with me, but I'm sure Alya has done some wrong things this season and her motivation is often completely selfish. She's keeping saying she just wants to help and while I don't think she's lying, not all her actions are noble. Sorry, but it's true. She hasn't taken the turtle Miraculous because she thought Carapace is essential for the battle, she just wanted to fight along with her boyfriend. She has almost posted pictures of Rena Furtive on her blog, because she wants to have hot material for Ladyblog. She has trouble accepting that she needs to hide when she's Rena now, because she wants to have full fun at being a superheroine. And finally, she has told she's still Rena to her boyfriend not because she thinks Marinette is wrong, she just doesn't want to have secrets from Nino (though she still has, that's only inconsistent S4 writing, in which Alya can't keep secrets those will be needed the plot, while there's no problem with those that won't impact the story). Alya is not a bad person, but that doesn't change the fact that she isn't able to sacrifice everything for greater good, what's Marinette and Adrien are doing from the beginning. And while I'm still worried that there won't be serious and long lasting consequences of wrong Alya's actions (I don't want another Optigami scenario, in which everything is okay at the end of the episode and she's rewarded for being selfish), it's been hinted that there are going to be some repercussions.

I don't like the idea of identity reveals for Alya and Luka at all, but maybe it's not like everything is going to be ideal. Alya is not doing completely fine with her knowledge and power (she knows all the Miraculous secrets and has access to the Miracle Box, it's extremely big responsibility, but she's disrespectful), so it would be unfair if Luka will be nothing but helpful. He has to do something wrong as well.

What could he do?

I can imagine a scenario in which he's in the battle in which reveal between Ladybug and Chat Noir happens and he is using Second Chance not because he thinks it's not a good thing now, but because he can't accept that it will kill his chance with Marinette definitely. He may want them to never discover their identities.

Also Luka has lied on Ladybug. We can argue if that was right decision or not, but it made me suspicious. It could be a sign that Luka isn't really as much truthful person as he's trying to make an impression.

If there wont be any problematic Luka's actions due to him knowing superheroes identities and it happened only to make him even more special and "angely", I will dislike season 4 even stronger. I already barely enjoy it.

#LetLukaBeSelfishForOnce

[moririki]

⤷ BIRTHDAY SPECIAL

CONNIE SPRINGER X READER -> 2.4K
what it's like before and after dating connie

REQUEST -> n/a
CONTAINS -> s4 spoilers, angst (assassins bullet yep yep), hurt and comfort because we love that, honestly just conny being lovely, it ends with angst i'm so sorry i got in a mood
MORI'S THOUGHTS -> the world needs more of conny springer. also i accidentally gave myself manga spoilers when i checked the wiki for his birthday. immense pain i WILL be writing a modern au with no death to make myself feel better (stay tuned in to my blog for it lol)

-> before dating conny springer you were friends with eren, mikasa, and armin

-> well, to be more specific, you were neighbours with armin and ended up being roped into whatever the three of them were doing purely by chance

-> so it was only natural that you were with them the day that zhiganshina fell

-> you remembered running hand in hand with armin, desperate to try and find eren and mikasa while also trying to make it to safety alongside armin's grandfather

-> in all honesty, you couldn't remember much from that day

-> you had almost been dragged away by armin as you were kicking and screaming, desperate to go back to your house and see if your parents were okay

-> but armin, ever the voice of reason, dragged you away and got you to snap out of it

-> getting on a boat to wall maria was one of the hardest decisions that you ever made

-> and hearing your parents' names on the list of the deceased broke you

-> you felt empty, barely eating until mikasa shook you hard and you finally felt wet tears fall on your face

-> the four of you had all cried that day, mourning the loss of your families

-> eren definitely kept the group together with his determination

-> he put drive into mikasa, and inspired you and armin

-> they all managed to be able to keep going, and therefore so did you

-> though one noticeable difference was that you still were struggling to even smile

-> hell, you made mikasa look like the happiest person on earth

-> you still tagged along with them when eren made the decision to enlist, effectively dragging the rest of you with him

-> besides, what else were you supposed to do as a newly found orphan?

-> training was, as expected, miserable at best

-> there really wasn't much to look forward to between officers screaming in your ear to run and the long gruelling days

-> but it kept you busy, and it kept you feeling numb and not breaking down

-> things that are in motion tend to stay in motion, after all

-> you had pretty much resigned yourself to becoming a soldier, watching your life turn colourless before your eyes as you stared down at your meal for the evening, when you first heard it

-> this laugh

-> no, this cackle

-> it split through the air like a whip, almost jolting you out of your state

-> it sounded so foreign to you, the sound of joy

-> you almost recoiled at it, instead opting to glance up and see a brown-haired girl inching her hand towards your roll of bread, while a short boy with a shaved head pointed and laughed

-> the girl grinned at you sheepishly, giving you a small wave

-> "hey, i'm sasha"

-> you wordlessly pushed the remainder of your meal to her

-> "help yourself"

-> you spoke minimally, and sasha beamed at you before proceeding to shovel her face with your food

-> the boy approached the two of you, falling into a seat opposite you with ease

-> you didn't really hear what he said to you

-> you were too busy feeling an upsurge of all these emotions that you hadn't- no, refused- to feel in years and you felt bile rise in the back of your throat

-> you stood quickly, excusing yourself before walking out of the room

-> conny was confused, to say the least

-> he thought that you looked down, even more so than annie

-> he probably should have expected you to be prickly as well

-> but something still nagged at him, that there was something more to it than you just not laughing that much

-> he was curious

-> and so, conny took it upon himself to make you laugh

-> or hell, even crack just a small smile

-> while he hadn't succeeded in doing so, you weren't one to push him away

-> even though his jokes and remarks made to you in passing often got him into trouble with an officer, you enjoyed them

-> not enough to tell him or give any indication of it, though

-> but conny still persevered

-> he made fun of sasha, the light-hearted teasing between the duo becoming a common background noise while you practised combat

-> you may have been hesitant at first, but he gradually wore your walls down, and you found yourself almost looking forward to seeing him, alongside jean and sasha, in the morning ready for a full day of training

-> you couldn't explicitly pinpoint any real advancements in your relationship with conny

-> it was so gradual, but it was constant

-> so one morning, when you had found yourself particularly refreshed and up a little earlier than usual with a little bounce to your step, it was only natural to greet conny as you brushed past him

-> "morning"

-> you still didn't speak much, but the small smile that accompanied it spoke more than any words could

-> you were gone before conny could respond, but he stood in place with a stupid grin creeping onto his face as he replayed the sight of you

-> he'd always suspected that you looked more beautiful with a smile and brightness in your eyes

-> his vow to see you laugh became even more intent

-> the gradual change within you progressed further

-> you were more animated, like some force had whispered words of encouragement into your ears and winded your mechanical key up again

-> you were talking more, doing more, and most importantly getting to know the chaos trio

-> while you still hadn't laughed, it wasn't uncommon to see a small smile grace your lips for a fleeting moment

-> after all, the antics of connie and sasha were enough to put anyone in a good mood

-> in fact, it was one of these antics that had you coming to terms with a lot of feelings

-> sasha had managed to smuggle a bottle of alcohol from the captains' headquarters

-> for a girl as clumsy as her, you were amazed that she managed to constantly get away with mild theft among other things

-> but who were you to complain?

-> you had been training with mikasa when sasha had returned

-> neither you nor jean had been able to intervene and stop her and connie

-> by the time you had returned and talked to jean, the bottle was empty and the pair were stumbling around, their loud laughs echoing

-> you and jean exchanged an exasperated look before heading to help your drunk friends before they got themselves hurt

-> "y/n!" conny slurred, almost collapsing against you as you wound his arm around your shoulders for support

-> you grunted at him suddenly leaning all his weight onto you, but still hauled him back to the beds while jean handled sasha

-> conny raised a clumsy hand, poking against your cheek a few times

-> you smiled to yourself, finding the boy helplessly cute even when the stench of alcohol was on his breath

-> "look at me," he whined. you sighed, stopping and motioning for jean to keep going. you turned toward the boy, an eyebrow raised expectantly.

-> "you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen," connie whispered to you conspiratorially

-> you wanted to blush, but he probably meant nothing by it

-> he was drunk, after all

-> "please date me, y/n," he sang, trying to tug you against him, to do something, though you doubted even he knew

-> "ask me tomorrow and i'll answer," you chided him, and he seemed satisfied

-> you resumed walking him back to his bed with not much in terms of resistance

-> you got there soon enough, and you didn't exactly want to help him change

-> his clothes were comfortable enough, and they looked clean

-> you made sure that he was in bed, hoping to head to your own bunk without disturbing any other cadets, until his hand reached out and gripped your wrist

-> that grip turned into a tug which had you being pulled backwards, towards conny and his bed

-> you narrowly avoided hitting your head on the headboard, the springs of the mattress squeaking as it grew accustomed to your body lying on it

-> "conny?" you whispered out into the night air, your back to him. you didn't dare go any louder in fear of shattering something

-> he didn't respond, and you listened to hear his breaths getting deep and evening out

-> you sighed to yourself, feeling the arm that was wrapped so securely around your middle

-> well, at least he was warm

-> you didn't particularly feel like moving, instead letting yourself surrender to sleep and catch up to conny

-> the lull of his quiet snores let your mind feel at ease, and sleep came to you naturally

-> waking up was pleasant for all of 20 seconds

-> you woke up naturally, noting that others were still asleep in their bunks

-> you grew accustomed to your surroundings, especially this weight which lay across your waist

-> you turned carefully, finding a sleeping conny next to you

-> oh

-> you remembered the events of last night and tried not to giggle as the image of a drunk conny crossed your mind

-> you heard a groan come from him as he stirred, along with a slight wince from his impending hangover

-> you couldn't hold back your laugh any more, and conny mustered the best smile that he could given the circumstances

-> the sound was one that he wouldn't forget any time soon

-> "i think i'm dreaming," he mumbled with a grin, before pulling you closer and burying his face in your shoulder

-> you brought up a hand to his head, stroking it slightly as conny began to wake up

-> it was a few minutes later that you heard him talk again, albeit muffled from your shirt

-> "so, i believe you owe me an answer?"

-> you were glad that he couldn't see your face and the blush that it was sporting

-> "it's a yes from me"

-> you grinned as you spoke, and you could feel conny smile too

-> a great amount of your return to feeling happy again was thanks to him, and you were grateful in every sense

-> "oi, sleepyhead!"

-> you heard a cheery voice, before sasha launched herself on top of both of you, making conny squeal from the sudden addition of weight

-> "how the hell are you not hungover?" he groaned, and sasha just laughed, poking at him

-> jean stood at the edge of the bed, rolling his eyes at the three of you

-> these three had really found a way to mean so much to you in such little time

-> dating conny springer meant that even the most arduous task was suddenly hilarious

-> he's like a breath of fresh air

-> but he's also there for you unwaveringly

-> whether that be to support you, laugh with you, take away your pain, or just hold you

-> he made his feelings pretty clear

-> and honestly? the man's whipped for you

-> despite his general boisterousness, though, conny does try to keep it on the subtler side between you two

-> in public, his touches are subtle

-> he doesn't want jean and sasha to shred his ass and call him a simp lmfao they have no mercy

-> there was no doubt of conny's effect on not just you, but the entire survey corps

-> needless to say, mikasa approved. if he made you smile and laugh again after zhiganshina, he was more than worthy

-> seeing how mikasa was always like an older sister to you, her approval meant a lot

-> armin and eren's went without saying as well yes, even little rabid rottweiler eren

-> being put into actual combat was challenging

-> you felt yourself freeze with fear on your first mission, hearing of how eren had been consumed by a titan and witnessing the carnage of so many of your fellow soldiers

-> you didn't try to hide the tears of relief when you saw that conny had survived

-> he wiped away your tears shamelessly, his eyes never leaving yours as he whispered promises to you that he would make it through, and so would you

-> you kept fighting together, all the way through eren's surprise reappearance, all the way through becoming members of the survey corps

-> he was one of the few constants in your life

-> despite his sunny disposition and never-ending stream of jokes, you knew that the weight of the horrors of the outside walls beared down on him too

-> sometimes, at night, you could hear him quietly sob

-> you found yourself in his bed again, for reasons different to the first time you were

-> though this time you wrapped your arms around him, pressing kisses to his clothed back, lulling him to a fitful sleep

-> and conny is so grateful for you, and how you're wordlessly there for him

-> on the mornings where you stay with him until he wakes up without sneaking off, conny makes sure to grab your hands and raise them to his lips, kissing them as his silent thanks

-> of course, that wasn't the only aspect of your relationship

-> there was no doubt that conny was fun

-> he loved to make people, especially you, laugh

-> the two of you would giggle and run off hand in hand as sasha and jean yelled words of..... encouragement at the two of you

-> getting along with conny's friends was more than natural

-> sometimes, you and jean act like tired parents when sasha and conny really get going

-> conny also developed a habit of squeezing your hand

-> before missions

-> after missions

-> hell, even when he got a brief moment during missions

-> it was a reminder of his promise to you so long ago that he was going to make it and come back to you

-> the two of you ended up growing up together and finding a solace within each other during the insanity of your lives

-> on the day where you had ventured past the walls with the survey corps and found the beach, you had marvelled at the softness of the sand and even built a small castle with him

-> you also meticulously carved out your initials together into the wall of it

-> and when sasha met niccolo, double dates became a thing

-> it was fun for all of you to collectively shit on jean for being single

-> that can be changed

-> uhhhhh we know the drill sasha and niccolo deserved the world but they didn't get it

-> as much as it hurt, you couldn't bring yourself to feel any ill intent towards gabi

-> if you even looked hard enough, you could see a resemblance of sasha within the marleyan girl

-> but during sasha's funeral, you and conny were stood next to each other with stony faces and numb insides

-> that night, you both clung to each other

-> you could feel conny's sobs rip through you as your tears streaked down your face while the two of you mourned your great loss

-> but you knew that the two of you had to keep going, together

-> for sasha and for yourselves, and for the future of the world

take a look at the menu - ,, 🛌 ·˚ ༘ ꒱

[deepspaceclawstation]

I watched Discovery S4 Episode 2 that came out today and I have to say, they are really stepping up the game here. I don't know if there have been any behind-the-scenes changes in the writers' room but whatever it is, it's working great!

(Discovery S4 spoilers, please skip to avoid. Blacklist tags are "#ST Discovery spoilers" and "#ST Discovery S4")

This season on a whole has better dialogue and the plot narrative flows really naturally. I like that they seem to have paid special attention to character beats - their actions and motivations, and even their reactions are a lot more natural now. I also like that they have further established distinct emotional maturity levels and technical skill sets for each character, yet there is no disbelief involved in seeing this diverse cast come together to solve problems. This has been my complaint with Discovery since day 1, that the plot and character actions seem convoluted, so I'm very happy with the vast improvement.

I like the way they represented Federation and allied authority figures! We see Admiral Vance's family after the Ep 1 Archer Dock scene, which was a nice touch. President Rillak is an interesting character (and my wife) who is at odds with Michael without (yet) being presented as outright wrong or 'evil' and I'm really excited to see her dynamic with Michael grow and how her storyline plays out. Really like that President T'Rina of Nivar was present at the anomaly threat analysis meeting, it solidifies Nivar as a strong ally to the Federation (I'm keeping an eye out on the Rillak/T'Rina tag on ao3, I have a strong feeling about it).

When did Saru get so wise? He's really stepping into that Space Dad role and I love it! Tilly's facing some existential crises but I'm sure she'll get through. Adira and Gray are adorable as always and have some fun stuff going on. First Trek on-screen mention of transitioning Let's Go!!!! Book suffered a tragic loss and ngl I had tears in my eyes in the Ep 2 private comm link between him and Michael. I don't like Stamets much but they toned down his gruffness a bit so he's tolerable now. I don't know who had the galaxy brain idea to pair him with Book but their scenes together were unexpectedly touching and the attempted parallels between them make so much sense.

And now to the star of the show - Michael! I have always been pretty indifferent towards Michael Burnham, mainly because I could never get a sense what the show wanted to do with her. Was she a criminal, a child stuck between two cultures, someone struggling with parental expectations, or just someone trying to deal with loss the best way she can? Of course, all these identities need not be mutually exclusive but somehow Discovery never managed to bring them together in a cohesive manner. Until this season, that is. S4 Michael is more emotionally mature than her earlier counterparts, while still having that mischievous spark in her eyes. She's responsible, she's self-aware, and she now has Character FlawsTM. I don't know what exactly it is that has shifted, but I can finally get behind Captain Burnham.

There were also some nice easter eggs like Hugh referencing Picard (I'm not tagging for Picard spoilers so won't go into detail), and the reveal of Archer Space Dock with Archer's theme playing in that scene. I am pleased that Discovery has finally learned how to poke fun at itself as is evident in Stamet's airlock joke, and Saru acknowledging the convenience of Bryce's unexpected sky-surfing (?) hobby. Some may feel that Stamets letting go of his resentment so soon was a cop-out but I am satisfied with the way it was handled, it had just that touch of awkwardness involved that made it plausible.

That said, I was scared for a bit when I started Ep 1 because tbh the butterfly people planet scenes were excruciating to watch. I was not a huge fan of the humour and the whole trade exchange didn't seem well thought out in-universe ans it really took me out of the scene. It seemed like they were trying to imitate the beginning of Into the Darkness and it just didn't work for me. Thankfully, it lasted only till the 'cold open' (pre-theme song) and I've not encountered a single awkward scene since then, a far cry from the embarrassing maudlin sentimentality of S2.

I never thought I'd be praising Discovery this much, but it seems it has kept up with the time-honoured Trek tradition of falling into stride after S3. I just hope they don't stretch out the season-long arc too much or they risk losing steam halfway through the season like in S2, which started similarly strong plot-wise. Very excited to learn more about the anomaly and the emotional and political ramifications of the Kweijan tragedy.

[forthisone]

Thoughts on Handmaid’s Tale Season 4 so far Spoilers up to S4E8, the episode I’ve just watched.

Fair warning: This kind of went from me trying to explain why the show feels wrong for me now in a measured way, to a full on rant wall of text. This is maybe something that should be a diary entry more than something that should exist publicly, but fuck it.

This is all just my opinion. I know some people have problems with S4 (like me) and some people are finding it an improvement on S3. Everyone finds their own things to connect with on this show, different people have different experiences--it’s a very hard-hitting show and it affects people in different ways--and my perception of the show will be different to others. I just wanted to get my thoughts down before I read too much other analysis of what other people think. This season I’ve felt myself in a cycle of feeling uncomfortable about most of the content, and then reading what other people think, feeling like I’m wrong to be feeling how I’m feeling, and somehow giving it all another chance, finding the caveats that allow me to keep watching. There’s like... one scene in twenty that I find satisfying, and the clown in me keeps watching. But I’m finding myself feeling more and more disconnected from this show that I used to love. Especially now that I’m heavily invested in another show that I actually find satisfying.

Trigger warnings for all the topics that come with watching this show, including sexual assault. Also lots of angry language from me!

When I watched Seasons 1 and 2, I really valued the show. It was painful to watch, of course. But I thought the story was important and there were elements of hope and love and goodness amongst the bad that were ‘worth’ the pain of watching it for me.

Now I just roll my eyes all. the. damn. time. All I can imagine when I watch is the writers wanking themselves off creating new situations of torture for the characters, turning these human characters into caricatures to play out their images. I don’t really feel like they actually care about the arcs anymore, they just want the same cycle on repeat. I don’t know what I expected for Janine but to see her back at Eye HQ, probably about to become a Handmaid again, and for the scene to somehow feel like it’s focusing on Lydia’s pain? Makes me feel sick.

Also seeing the Waterfords being applauded... making that the legacy of June’s testimony...ugh. I understand maybe why they did it, they’re shining a light on all the misguided right-wing bs that exists in society today. How there are people in the world who find ways and reasons to support these kinds of monsters. I just... it was such a climactic moment, right? For June to finally testify against Fred? For him to face his charges? And it ends up being a victorious moment for him and Serena? Fuuuuck that. I hope it’s temporary and karma comes around for them but I’m so almost done with this show that I don’t really care any more.

side rant: How fucking unrealistic was it that they even let Fred speak to June in the courtroom. And let him go on. Give me a fucking break. And also that they just let her walk away...?

I feel weird criticising anything June does because who am I to judge how she deals with pain for what she’s been through, right? But again I just feel like... it’s a fictional story. It should have a purpose, right? I don’t understand what the writer’s intentions are. Are we meant to be disturbed by her actions (with Emily? with Luke?) I think so? I don’t understand what the end goal is with how they are writing her? Am I just a perfectionist that wants happy endings for everyone and people to heal in unrealistic ways? Maybe. I didn’t expect it all to be plain sailing once she got to Canada... of course not, but I don’t like how she’s dictating how other people deal with their own trauma, like she’s some kind of therapist. I want people sitting in a room and crying and going through shit together and connecting. I don’t want endless shots of people staring into space and talking about ways they’d like to kill people. I totally get that they are all dealing with trauma, that they are not perfect people, but I just don’t like how they are painting what June does to be the right thing and not just the actions of someone who is hugely traumatised and needing help herself (and seemingly not receiving it currently)? Again, I repeat: it’s not what June is doing that I have an issue with, but the way it’s framed in the show as some kind of victory, or the “right thing”. I don’t get what they’re trying to do.

The fucking PINNACLE of this for me was the ending of S4E1 where they have June hand Mrs Keyes a murder weapon in front of her rapist and say “make me proud” and there’s never a question, there’s not even a NOTE, that maybe this isn’t how this situation should be dealt with. That maybe having a minor kill her rapist and then climb in to bed with June covered in his blood and tell her “I love you” (iirc) as the ending note of the episode isn’t healthy. This is the sick feeling that has been in my mouth since the beginning of S4 and I think it began with this scene.

Lydia. What the fuck even is Lydia’s storyline, beyond just wanting to keep Ann Dowd on our screens? She feels unworthy or like she has to prove herself or something. We get it. I don’t give a shit. She’s a monster who didn’t even have a backstory that made me understand on some level why she is the way she is. Why are we focusing on her pain over Janine? WHY.

Moira. To be honest Moira is the best thing about this show for me currently. She’s making me able to cope with it, because she keeps saying the things that I’m thinking in her scenes, and I’m so grateful for it, because it makes me feel like I’m not going crazy to be hating some of the things I’m seeing. Samira Wiley is a delight to have on the show.

Luke. I feel like... he’s a character that, in my opinion, they are getting right. His scenes don’t feel jarring to me (in terms of what the character is doing). That’s not to say that I don’t find some of his behaviour jarring, but I feel like... he’s not a caricature, he’s still a human character that has flaws and redeeming qualities. I think OT is playing the scenes really well. Of course it’s fucked up that he went to the trial without June’s permission. But I feel like Luke would do that. Especially when June isn’t talking to him about any of it, and he feels like he needs to understand it to make sense of the impact it’s having. Of course he’s ludicrous to suggest they can just “move on”. But he’s a human who desperately wants June back, the way he remembers her, the memory he’s been clinging on to her for 7? years and is in denial that that can’t be any more. I don’t have to think the character himself is perfect to still find the scenes interesting and content that I appreciate because it’s scenes that explore the complexities of human relationships. Societal expectations of husbands and wives. Exploring that. The pressure on women to feel like they have to produce children or they are a disappointment. Representation that you can be sexually assaulted by someone who is your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband and not only by dangerous strangers in dark alleyways. That that could happen (to a man, too) and that they could choose to stay with her/him. That they couldn’t feel like they could talk about it (because who is there to talk about it with?)

Lawrence. Again it just feels like he’s on our screen for no purpose other than to include Bradley Whitford in the show. I don’t understand what his root motivation is, or what his goals are in what he is doing (does he want Gilead to continue? does he secretly want to bring it down? I’ve got no idea). I really have no interest in his character other than the fact that Bradley is a good actor and I think it’s interesting to watch him.

Rita. I’ve enjoyed her scenes too. I don’t really have much to say about them because I haven’t had a problem with them, only that I wish she was in it more, perhaps to bring out June’s human side a bit more. Their reunion in hug in the last episode was one of my favourite moments this season, because they can relate to each other on a level the others can’t. They lived in the same house.

Emily. Again, I feel the same way about her as I feel about Rita really. I feel like they just dip into her character on an occasional episode and go “tick. we’ve focused on Emily this episode. let’s move on.”

Nick. As you may or may not know reading this, my involvement in the THT fandom has largely been as a Nick/June shipper (you can go back in my nick x june tag to see this). When I talk about “elements of hope and love and goodness amongst the bad that were ‘worth’ the pain of watching it for me”, I’m really talking about N/J. So I have a lot of feelings about Nick. I could go on a whole rant here (narrator: she ended up going on a whole rant here) about how I wish Nick was acknowledged more, how I feel like his writing (when it actually exists) this season has been weird, how I feel like he’s no longer the character that I loved from Seasons 1 & 2. I think what it boils down to is, that they fucked Nick up for me (personally) when he went from “just a driver” to a Commander. I didn’t find it realistic and I don’t think it’s what they had planned for him, I think they’re just making it up from season to season and this is NEVER more apparent than with Nick. How he’s gone from washing Waterford’s car and an Eye for Pryce to apparently “leading the battle in Chicago”. And I’ve gone through weeks, months, years, of discussions with other Nick fans about this, some of whom feel the new backstory is still valid for him and makes sense, some who don’t. Some who can justify his scenes this season, others who find it jarring like me. Again, it’s a personal thing and I want so badly to love this character but honestly I feel like he’s either just neglected (most of the time) or he’s a character they just use to create storylines for other people with no real care or consistency for his own arc (edited to add: also I think they just use him to create this false sense of tension: “is he good??? is he bad???”, when anyone who paid even an iota of attention to him in the past knows he has THE SOFTEST HEART IN THE WORLD and would never betray June). He hasn’t even mentioned his daughter in two seasons (only in a discussion prompted by June in 3.06). THAT is not the Nick I know from Season 2 who cried as he held his daughter for the first and only time. I WANT THIS CHARACTER BACK. I don’t trust the writers with his story any more and it makes me sad and it makes me less invested. And I’ve felt like this since the beginning of Season 3. That’s not to say I’ve hated all his scenes but... there’s just not enough good content for me to still be invested at this point. Scenes like the bridge scene in Season 4... the display of emotion in that scene was clear but in the context of the rest of the show, I didn’t buy it. If you want me to believe that June still feels strongly enough about him that she’s going to run romantically across a bridge to him into his arms like a scene out of The Notebook or The Bodyguard, then maybe have her speak about him to ANY CHARACTER, or any voice over, once she gets to Canada (and I don’t really include the one line mentioning him to Nichole). Because otherwise, that bridge scene just feels like pandering to me, again it just feels like boxticking (”let’s keep the Nick/June fans happy”) and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I’m still grieving for the Nick/June scenes from Seasons 1 and 2 that felt so much more authentic to me than the bridge kiss, because they had context and they weren’t a sidenote, because Nick actually appeared more than once every 3 episodes.

Am I done with my rant? I think I’m done with my rant.

[booasaur]

Your tags, I love how you’re kind of bracing yourself if this Lauren and Leyla ship goes down in the next few episodes. Or maybe I’m just projecting and you’re not doing that? Bc I’m totally doing that haha But I really can’t see them breaking up, especially with how much they shut it down in the last episode and how they both want this relationship. But then again the show does like doing short term love interest with their mains besides obviously Iggy with his husband. Oh man, I hate not knowing. I wish there were spoilers out there ha

And another anon:

Why does everyone seem so traumatized by Leyren? Thinking they'll break up every episode. I guess it's a state of paste trauma from other shows. sent on

Okay, so both of these were sent in the middle of May, when the season hadn't yet finished and obviously they're not broken up but to explain my reasoning, I think it was that as the season was wrapping up, they seemed to be a more plot device kind of relationship than a long-term romance.

I could be--I hope I'm wrong and this is just how it's going to be written, but ultimately, this is a relationship with a main and a side character who is not a regular and who we still have no assurance of being full time. There seemed a shift after Leyla moved in, not just them existing mostly in their own space, that was true even before, but they really sped up, like they needed to get them to a particular place. Again, and I'm trying to reconcile what I was thinking back in May with now, maybe it's just the covid-necessitated schedule to get them to a specific place for the season finale so they could start s4 with Leyla working at the hospital, but yeah, experience has said, with both NA and other shows, that side character romances with non-regulars tend to serve their purpose and then be cut off.

And then, as well, at every turn, when there was a chance to share Leyla's surely extremely interesting background, at most we got an offhand remark, often from Lauren! There just didn't seem the commitment to Leyla as a character or person, her background and culture. We don't even know why she was living in her car and I was just thinking earlier today that I don't even tag these posts with muslim lgbt as I might have, because we don't actually know if she is.

But on the other hand, Leyla is now more in the middle of things, to serve for more drama, sure, but she'll integrate more regardless, be meeting the others, and well, I just don't know what Lauren's arc will be if Leyla's off the show.

[pynkhues]

Good Girls S4 Spoiler Survey Results

Hello! I’ve finally gotten around to compiling the results for the S4 Good Girls Spoiler Survey. Breakdown is below the cut, but one of the things that became apparent is that there are a lot of varied opinions on it!

Interestingly though, we do seem to be a fandom that mostly doesn’t mind spoilers:

Far and away the biggest thing people considered spoilers were major plot points with 43 votes, followed by behind the scenes leaks (runsheets, location shots, etc) with 32 votes. All in their twenties were:

Episode synopses with 26 votes

Interviews with 25 votes

Sneak peeks with 24 votes

Episode promo pics with 21 votes

And then:

General plot arcs with 19 votes

Minor plot points (i.e. returning minor characters like Baby Tyler) with 15 votes

Promos and trailers with 14 votes

General set pictures with 11 votes

There was also a write-in vote here which said:

I'm generally fine with some spoilers and bts, but I really dislike knowing when minor characters return/ shows up! For me that's what "spoils" it!

These ones are pretty even, with reaction posts and episode discussion being the main thing considered post-episode spoilers.

And the major question of this survey is how long after an episode airs do you think content from that episode should be tagged as spoilers, and look, as you can see from the pie chart, there really isn’t a consistent answer for this. 56 people answered this question and the most anything got was 12.

How that breaks down is this:

3 days and 1 week tied with 12 votes each.

1 day was a very close second with 11 votes

2 days and Not at All tied again with 8 votes each

4 days got 2 votes

5 days got 1 votes

There were also two write-ins which were:

1 hour lol

Doesn't matter bc we get it extra late in france. The longer the better but yk. It's only fair to a certain point to ask to tag spoilers imo 

And then the write-in round:

I think the bulk of our GG fandom on tumblr would be considered hyper fans versus casual fans and it is more likely that casual fans would be more leery of spoilers and picky about what they consider spoilers whereas hyper fans are more likely to consume the episodes within a 48-72 hour period of it airing and generally devour any leaks or sneak peeks. I feel like tumblr functions as a more concentrated space where fans have a specific blog for a specific fandom and maybe because this platform is what it is, we don't generally need a longer grace period of spoiler etiquette. Not everyone feels this way though and it differs for everyone but that's my general feeling. I watch when it airs on my own timezone and when I saw people on tumblr begin liveblogging about the premiere I simply got off of tumblr and didn't come back until I watched the premiere.

if spoilers are that much of a deal breaker for you, it's your responsibility to protect yourself and you probably shouldn't be on the internet until you watch because inevitably something is going to get through. waiting 2-3 days to stop tagging is more than enough imo and how I've always seen it done in other fandoms (if people tag at all)

I love spoilers. Let me know if something is worth my time. Usually I won’t even watch a show until I know how it ends so I know going into it how mad I’m going to be. So weird to be following a fandom when it’s active. People sure do love to be pressed. 

I try and wait until the next episode airs to stop tagging spoilers for anything referencing the previous episode. I think it's a fair amount of time for people who plan to watch as the season airs. 

i think spoilers should be tagged the whole week after the episodes airs in general. that’s how all other shows are tagged on tumblr:) 

Yeah I’m not going to tag stuff. I get why people do but I’d rather people just unfollow me. 

I don't really care about spoilers, I'm immune 

In conclusion

There really doesn’t seem to be a consensus on this, so I think it’s up to individual people’s discretion as to what and for how long they tag things, but hopefully this might help people make those calls!

I personally will be tagging most things as spoilers still, but post-episode, I’m going to be tagging spoilers for 3 days. I will though still be, as always, using my episode tags, so people can blacklist for instance 4.02 or 4.03 or whichever episode they don’t want to see content for. I use these episode tags across asks and answers, gifsets, reaction posts and whatever, so hopefully nothing trickles through.

I hope people find this as interesting and useful as I did! :-)

[sammy-is-not-smiley]

Replacement (Part 2/2)

Steve Harrington x fem!reader

S4 SPOILER FREE

Summary: When dropping Dustin off at the Snowball, Steve finds out what Billy had done to you at the Byers house. In the midst of his anger and your embarrassment, he offers something rather unlikely.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings/tags: Mentions of trauma, trauma response?, reader deals with slight PTSD, small flashback (non graphic), hurt/comfort, first kiss (kinda), skin to skin contact, fluff

A/N: Once again, if there are any warning tags I missed please let me know! I wrote this way back in 2018 or so and this is the first time posting it. I hope you enjoy!

Edit: Noticed some of it had gotten jumbled and fixed it! Sorry about that. Remember kids, proof reading is important.

Read Part 1

Looking back, the events after Billy became a foggy blur. Eventually, you helped clean up Steve’s wounds, get everyone to the car, and tried your best to drive Billy’s car while the children yelled and argued. When you got there, Steve was conscious again and you all worked on following through with the plan the children had conjured up. At that point, the mission was a much-needed distraction for you.

“Hey, (y/n),” Dustin had initiated with you in the tunnels. You had strayed to the back of the group, struggling to keep your mind in the present.

“What’s up, Dust?” You replied, trying not to sound too monotone.

 “Do you think, uh…” He hesitated and looked ahead of him at Steve. “Don’t you think you should tell Steve what happened at the house?” He asked in a lower voice.

“What do you mean? He knows what happened. Billy kicked his ass.”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

You huffed, looking to the ceiling of the tunnel and shaking your head. “Why should he know?” You snapped. 

“I… I don’t know… I guess I just feel like he should know? I mean you got hurt…” He trailed off, unsure of himself after your cold response. 

A pang of guilt stabbed at your chest and you put your hand on his shoulder. “Look, just drop it okay? We have more important things to deal with right now.”

With that, he nodded and walked ahead of you without another word. 

And since then, you hadn’t heard another word of it. You supposed Dustin wanted you to tell Steve because he looked up to him. He saw him as the leader of the group that could fix problems. But your developing friendship and small crush on Steve was far different than that. Of all the things to tell Steve about, that was very close to the bottom of the list. 

Your heart still went out to Dustin though. His intention was in the right place and you took comfort in that.

After successfully setting the tunnels on fire and getting everyone back to the surface, events played out elsewhere that you still didn’t know the full details of. But you knew one thing: You had helped everyone win. 

Eventually, you made it back home and the days carried on. Your math final came and went and Steve became more present in your life. He would regularly try to talk with you at school, partner with you in class, and ask to hang out after school. You didn’t complain, if anything you were happy to have him there and you returned the favor. Oddly enough, you found there was a comfort of being with someone that shared the same horrific knowledge as you. Things people only ever heard of in books and movies. For you two it was real, and what helped battle that reality was your connection. You became each other's anchors and a crutch to be able to continue to live in Hawkins.  

Every once in a while he would ask you about that night. He would try to pull your feelings out concerning it and try to root out anything that stuck with you. Things like the nightmares that plagued you both, the new strange discomfort you had around dogs, or discussing your distaste for the children experiencing everything you did together. Slowly you became more and more comfortable talking about that night with him, but not once did you ever even elude to the events that happened between you and Billy. If you were being honest with yourself, you weren;t just hiding it from Steve, you were trying to hide it from yourself as well. To bury it so deep that not even you could find it again. 

You also became closer to the kids, especially Dustin. He rarely would leave Steve’s side, you observed, and found it absolutely adorable. You never thought you would ever befriend a group of middle schoolers at the end of your high school years, but you found you bonded with them as well. Shared trauma brought you together with the most unlikely of people, but you were ultimately thankful you had all of them.  

Soon winter came around, and with it came the Snowball. Each of the kids talked up the school dance as it approached, but nobody more than Dustin. He was so excited that Will would be able to go and you quickly gathered that Dustin wanted to use that night to make everything feel normal again. To just be with his best friends again and act like nothing had happened that year. So when Steve talked about helping Dustin get ready for the dance, you were all in. You two wanted that night to be one of the best nights Dustin would ever have. 

This is how you found yourself outside the middle school sitting in Steve’s back seat to drop Dustin off at the gym, where the dance was held. 

“So, remember, once you get in there…”

Dustin looked at Steve in the driver’s seat next to him. “Pretend like I don’t care.”

You quickly leaned up from the back seat and in between the two. “Yeah, but, uh, not too much. Like, don’t care, but not in a douchey way. In a smooth way.”

Dustin nodded, retaining the information. “Okay, okay, not douchey,” He mumbled and reached for the rearview mirror, turning it to check his styled hair. You couldn’t hide your smirk. You simply couldn’t get over how much volume his curly hair had accumulated. 

“Hey, come on, you look great, okay? You look great,” Steve assured, turning the mirror back. “Now, you’re going to go in there, look like a million bucks, and you’re going to slay ‘em dead.”

“In a non-douchey way,” You emphasized.

Dustin nodded. “Like a lion.”

You exchanged a confused glance with Steve. Before either of you could ask, though, Dustin let a cat-like purr roll off his tongue with a confident smile on his face. You both stared at him blankly.

“Yeah, don’t do that,” You advised and patted his shoulder. “I’ll be right back, I need a bathroom,” You told Steve and climbed out of the car. “Good luck Dust!” With that, you shut the car door.

You jogged inside to the middle school gym bathroom and did what you needed to do. On your way back out, you peeked inside the gym, scanning over the crowd of middle schoolers. Finally, as you leaned on the door frame, your eyes landed on the party standing together near a table. A little smile appeared on your face a moment when you saw Will there, healthy as ever, and Lucas and Mike’s wide eyes directed at Dustin’s hairdo. 

Feeling at ease with the kids well-being, you exited the building and found Steve’s car parked in the middle of the lot by a street light. He leaned back on the trunk, staring down at the ground.

As you approached him you noticed his brow was pulled together and his arms were crossed tightly over his torso. He looked to be in a far different mood than he had been when dropping Dustin off. His attitude had been bubbly, but how it seemed more like a block of ice.

“I never liked the bathrooms in there, they always smelled like puberty and day old wet laundry,” You said and hopped up onto the cold trunk next to Steve, trying to make him smile somehow. He didn’t. “You okay?” 

Steve shook his head, hair bouncing. “No,” He muttered, not looking at you. “Were you ever going to tell me?” His head shifted toward you but his stare was still pointed hard to the ground.

You dryly chuckled, a stiff smile on your face. “Uh, tell you what?” 

“That it might snow next week, or, I don’t know, that Billy kissed you?” Steve replied sarcastically, pushing himself off the trunk and turning to stand in front of you.

Your smile disappeared. “What are you talking about?” 

Steve sighed and ran a quick hand through his hair. “Dustin told me after you went in. He said you didn’t want to tell me about it.”

“Why should I have told you?” You asked defensively. 

“I was supposed to be protecting you! I was supposed to keep that shithead from hurting you guys and I need to know if he did anything.” Steve was furious, but you could tell that fury wasn’t quite directed toward you. Nonetheless, you could feel the shame bubbling up from your gut.

“Steve, don’t treat me like one of the kids. Plus, he didn’t do anything, okay?”

“Oh, so he didn’t force himself on you?”

You visibly clammed up at the question and you stuffed your hands in your hoodie pockets. “No, he… did….”

Steve threw his hands into the air and began pacing. You could practically see a vein popping out of his forehead. “You know, that kind of explains why you’ve been acting weird at school around him. When he looks at you he looks like a fucking pedophile. I knew something wasn’t right,” He fumed, kicking a rock off into the grass next to the lot.

“Steve, calm down. It wasn’t that bad--”

“Wasn’t that bad? Dustin said you cried!” Steve exclaimed with a pained expression. “He said you tried to push the dick away but couldn’t and then you cried. How does that make it ‘not that bad’?”

“I--... I don’t know.” You sighed, stuffing your hands in your hoodie pocket. “I guess because I didn’t help you out when you two got into it. And I guess I asked for it when I ripped his hair out by accident and…” You trailed off, trying to cower away from his concerned and angry eyes. Why did Dustin have to say anything?

“My god,” Steve sighed as he stood in front of you again. “It’s not your fault, literally nothing you do would make you deserve that. If anything, he deserved to get that nasty-ass hair ripped out.”

You shrugged and looked down at your lap meekly. Over the past month you genuinely had tried to suppress what happened, but every time you saw Billy at school, flashes of the memory passed through your mind. It was haunting you. Your stomach jumped up into your chest at every sight of Billy and you loathed him for it.

“You don’t understand,” You spoke again, squeezing your eyes shut. Maybe it would help if you pretended Steve wasn’t there. “I could have done so much more to prevent it but it happened anyway….. He just... took something from me... and I feel like I gave it to him by accident.” The humiliation was eating at you like an ulcer and you weren’t sure if talking about it was making it better or worse.

Steve cocked his head to the side to better look at you cowering. “Took something?”

You rolled your eyes, not at him, but at yourself. “He… He kissed me and... I've never-” You closed your eyes again and stopped yourself. Saying it out loud did not feel right at all. “No, never mind, it’s stupid.”

“.... First kiss,” Steve uttered, connecting the dots. “You’ve never had a first kiss?”

“Oh yes, please, rub it in,” You scoffed as you felt your face heating up. You still couldn’t bring yourself to look at him for very long.

“Sorry, sorry…. But, you know, um,” Steve said, rubbing the back of his neck. “First kisses are kind of overrated.”

You sighed in dismay. “Yeah, I know they aren’t like in the movies but… it’s still supposed to be special. A first time is something you can’t really experience again. Once it’s done, it’s done.” You could feel a familiar black hole growing in your chest, sucking away any lightheartedness you felt when you had first arrived. “The first time doing anything is essentially what will stick with you the longest.”

“I guess…” Steve confessed with a melancholy expression. 

Neither of you said a word, almost as if taking a moment of silence to grieve. A subtle beat of the music pulsed from the school and the buzz of a street light was the only thing keeping you from being fully engulfed by your memories and thoughts.

“I just wish I could forget what happened that night,” You let out in a quiet breath, hiding your face in your hands trying to rub away the blush and tension in your face. 

Steve took a step closer, wanting now to see your eyes. He wanted to be able to look into them and search for an inkling of your usual self. The one who was cheery earlier in the evening, the one who looked at Dustin with soft and caring eyes, the one who laughed with them on the drive to the school. He feared, though, that mood was long gone. He never wanted this for you. It was enough you stumbled upon them on the railroad tracks and got sucked into everything. You never deserved anything like what Billy had done to you, and he wished he could do that night over again to keep it from ever happening. He wanted a redo. He wanted you to have a redo. 

“What if it could be replaced?” Steve suddenly blurted out.

You furrowed your brow at the boy, looking up at him from behind your hands. “Steve, we can’t go back in time.”

“No, not the memory…. The….” He hesitated with a deer in the headlights expression. Over half the sentence was out of his mouth already, he might as well finish it. “The kiss.”

You blinked at him a moment, a similar expression to his on your face. “Where are you going with this?”

His eyes darted down to your mouth a couple of times before he took a step back, looking almost panicked. “That ‘first kiss’ thing you were talking about? I think… Uh...” He stopped, having to tear away his eye contact. Now he was the one beginning to turn red.

“You… want to replace it?”

Steve put his hand on his hip while the other rested on his forehead. Minutes before, his eyes were flared with rage. Now, though, they were innocent and darting in thought. “I think I do….” He then nodded, seeming to agree with the words that just came out of his mouth. “Yeah, I do.”

“Oh…” You didn't know what to think for a moment. Was that a thing? Replacement kisses? As you pondered this you realized something you couldn’t ignore: thinking of kissing him didn’t scare you. It made the wings in your stomach flutter again, but you didn't feel entirely scared like you had been near Billy. 

Would this raise the bar and send you somewhere exciting, or would everything crash and burn?

“I mean, you don't have to,” Steve said when you didn't respond for a while. “I was just-- You know, I hate what he did to you. I swear I'll shove a fork so far up his ass he’ll taste metal and--... if it’s too early or you for sure never want to then I get it and we can never talk about this ever aga-"

“Steve, shut up,” You stopped the babbling boy. He only rambled like that when he got nervous.

Hands fumbling with each other in your lap, you couldn’t believe what you were about to say. “If we do it… you have to promise it won't scare you away from me.” Your words were slow and careful, you wanted to be sure another mistake wasn't being made.

Steve’s face contorted in confusion as he slowly nodded, his eyes shifting around as he thought. “Yeah, okay,” He said as he processed your request. 

“And don't make fun of me,” You added.

A small smirk started to grow on Steve’s face as he said your name. “I think you're overthinking this a little…” 

“I know, I just--" You threw your head back in embarrassment. “I really don't know what I'm doing and you seem like you do so… help me out here. Do what you would normally do to kiss a girl for the first time.” The words felt like molasses coming out of your mouth. Even in the cold December air, you could still feel your face continue to heat up. Once again, you brought your hands up to cover the blush you were sure was dusting your face. 

Steve stood in front of you, absolutely starstruck. Half of him didn't expect you to accept his offer, yet he found that the other half had been hopeful you would. 

“Okay…” He said softly, stepping closer. “Well first, need to see your face.” He reached up and grabbed your wrists, pulling them from you gently. He began to lightly brush his thumb over your inner wrist as you looked down at your hands. 

Eventually, your eyes trailed up to his and you noticed his pupils were blown wide, as if to take in as much of you as possible. Little did you know yours were doing the same. 

Suddenly your hands felt out of place as you stared up at him awkwardly. Were you supposed to put your hands somewhere too? On his shoulders? His face? On the car you were sitting on?

“And then… You know, I kind of have to get close,” Steve muttered as he pressed himself closer to you, pushing himself between your legs to lean on the car. He brought a hand up to your rosy cheek and wove his hand into your hair, cradling your head as if it were fragile. It felt as though glitter was slowly floating through the air around you. 

In that one moment, the world paused. The beat of the music inside the gym faded away and the cold of the night on your skin went numb. You suddenly became aware that you had gotten so lost in Steve’s eyes that you hadn't noticed he had been slowly leaning in closer and closer. 

Just as your noses almost touched, a flash of Billy flew through your mind, making you take in a sharp and startled breath. Jerking back, you looked down at your current position with Steve. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Steve soothed, his eyebrows drawing together. His thumb brushed over your soft cheek, making you look back up at him. “Say the word and we can stop.”

He smelled different than Billy had. He smelled like spiced cologne and a fesh shower. His body warmth made you feel safe in the cold parking lot, not trapped. Billy had made you feel powerless, but Steve was letting you call the shots. You knew you could trust that if you wanted to stop, Steve would do so, and you found that made you want to go through with it even more.

You swallowed hard. “Keep going,” You replied, barely above a whisper. You wouldn’t be surprised if Steve could feel your heartbeat at this point as it pounded against your chest. 

Something in Steve's expression shifted and it made goosebumps erupt over your skin. They were excited goosebumps filled with anticipation. 

As you sensed him slowly beginning to lean in, you found yourself doing the same. You focused on his smell and the softness of his sweater sleeve as you drew closer together like magnets. The moment you weren’t sure if your eyes should be kept open or not, it happened. Your lips made contact, that worry faded and your eyes fluttered shut.

The kiss was gentle and innocent, as if Steve was afraid he would break you if he were too rough. His hand, still on your wrist, shifted and he slowly began pushing his hand up your sleeve, leaving static in it’s wake. As quickly as it began, it ended, and he was the first to pull his face from yours.

Your eyes went wide when it ended as you leaned back away from him as well. Never in a million years did you ever think the night would lead to this. What had been a small crush before was now a raging storm in your chest begging to be let out.

Steve's eyes were equally as wide staring back at you in worry, his hand hovering in mid-air inches from your face. His expression was mostly of concern, that is until a small smile started to spread over his face.

“You okay?” He asked when you didn't smile back.

Adrenaline finding no other way to release itself inside you, you finally smiled as well and let out a sheepish giggle. You felt relieved and, if anything, absolutely giddy.

Steve's smile grew once more, finally able to see the full color of your eyes shine vibrantly in the street light. He leaned in and touched his forehead to yours, bringing both hands up and nurturing your face with them. “So, how was that for a replacement first kiss?”

You smirked and grabbed a hold of his sweater, pulling him in closer to you. “Pretty damn good, Harrington.” You tilted your head up further into his, closing your eyes. “Do it again.”